One more for the road...

[You have Scope of Scope-Tech to thank/blame for this ;)]

It's been over 3 years since my last post.

My life has completely changed since the last time I blogged.

Because...

I got pregnant...

with triplets.

Yep. I made three humans inside my body. They are almost three years old now. They're pretty cool, I guess I'll keep them around.

Here is some unsolicited parenting/life advice from the trenches, in no particular order:

When you bring your bundle of joy home, the hospital will send with you 7,000 pamphlets. 6,000 of them just say "Don't shake your baby" and you will snort derisively and say "I would never!" and then at 3am on the first or second night home, you will say "Oh." and you will understand why it has to be drilled into your brain.

Babies don't have an off switch. I mean, intellectually I knew this, but I've literally never had to deal with anything that needed so much and absolutely none of it can be put off or ignored. Don't feel like doing the dishes? Just rinse them and deal with it tomorrow. Can't be arsed shaving your legs? Wear long pants for a few days (or, you know, all winter). But when your child is screaming for a bottle or a diaper change or to be held at 3 in the morning (or 4 or 5 or 6), you have to take care of it right then and there, and no one else will do it for you. If you're very very lucky you may have a spouse or similar who will take on some of the responsibility, but it can never ever be put off 'til the morning.

Projectile shitting is a thing the human body is capable of.

The disabled toilet in the office bathroom has a lid you can sit on and a rail you can lean your head on, for those times when you realize you've just woken up from the third microsleep at your desk and maybe it'd be better if no one actually saw you sleeping.

Don't cloth diaper, if you can avoid it. It is hands-down the worst, most dehumanizing experience I have ever been through, to literally have someone else's shit all over my hands several times a day. Thank Christ two of ours are more or less potty trained, and we're working on the last one, but when all three were in diapers we had to go with cloth because of the sheer numbers we were working with, for financial reasons mainly.

If you become pregnant with more than one fetus at a time, people will feel extremely free to get all up in your business about it. Be aware that if you are asking someone if their children were conceived naturally, you are also asking them to disclose to you whether they have fertility issues. This is not a polite question to ask someone you just met.

You will feel guilt over basically everything you do or don't do as a parent.  You may not think you are the kind of monster who would hiss into the ear of a 6-month-old baby "If you wake up your sisters, I will end you.", but after 6 months of not sleeping, you might be. Look, as long as you don't actually  throw them out the window or intentionally drop them on their heads a bunch (you will do it unintentionally), you'll be fine.