Yeah, you.

Dear Mr. Complete Stranger in the Street*,

No, I do not want a ride in your vehicle. I learned not to get into a stranger's car when I was five years old.

No, I'm not telling you my name or number, and no, I'm not telling you where I live, or work, or where I'm going right now. You do not have the right to that information. Being female in a public street does not make me public property. Furthermore, none of these questions are appropriate conversation starters.

No, I am not flattered by you shouting at me from across the road that I am sexy, or by you muttering under your breath about physical acts you would like to perform with me. It is threatening, dehumanizing and offensive for you to reduce me to an object that exists for your commentary.

No, your (loudly expressed) opinion of my body or parts thereof does not entitle you to any of my attention. I am not being rude when I, paralyzed and fearful, pretend I did not hear what you said, you are being rude by saying it.

No, I do not have time for you. Regardless of whether my "man" would "trip" over it. I resent the implication that my man's opinion is the one that matters in this instance.

I resent that you made me feel that I had to let you know I was married to ensure my physical safety, because I knew from past experience that my own clear disinterest was not sufficient for you to leave me alone. You cross the line into being a clear threat to my safety when neither my polite disinterest nor even the fact of my marriage (read: unavailability) is enough to stop you from following me down the (otherwise empty) street and making further comments about my physical appearance.

I would love to be able to say "Sorry, I am not interested in you", but I know if I do, you will at least call me a bitch, and potentially become aggressive and physically threatening.

I hate that my concern for my physical safety in the moment means I have done nothing to dissuade you from harassing me and other women again.




*Note: This is an amalgam of too many street encounters both recent and past. This doesn't just happen to me, either. If you want to get angry, go to hollabackdc.wordpress.com. And can I also point out, street harassment has negative consequences for men too, because we women learn to mistrust and treat every man as a potential scumbag - if we don't, the ones who are scumbags interpret it as interest and encouragement, and it is not worth risking my safety to spare your feelings.

Thesis: Project Runway as Cultural Lens.

WARNING: Highly subjective, opinionated, sweepingly generalized and probably factually inaccurate (not to mention ridiculously long) blog post ahead.
As always, feel free to weigh in with your own opinion in the comments.
Also, this is like my 104th post! Somehow I keep missing the milestones. What luck that they're of no interest to anyone else.

I've been feeling homesick for my people. It started when I was watching the Australian version of Project Runway.

First of all, Aussies swear a lot. And swearing is much less restricted not only on network television but also on cable* TV. The Aussie Project Runway contestants were swearing their hearts out constantly. We're simply not that offended by it. I'm not saying preschoolers and old nannas are telling each other to eff off, but we just don't take it as seriously as Americans do. Particularly blasphemy, which is barely considered swearing at all, at least in terms of television censorship.

Not only that, simply the way Australians interact with one another is different. The difference is almost indefinable but I think this is what it is:

1. Aussies don't like putting themselves forward.
This is why the Australian version of Survivor failed and why the Aussie Project Runway contestants were dreadful at team challenges - no one wanted to tell other people what to do.
The Aussie Tim Gunn replacement didn't say "You have to pack your bags and leave", he said "I'm going to need you to pack your things and leave", thereby distancing himself from what was essentially an order. He made it sound like he wasn't telling them to leave, he was just letting them know that it needed to happen.
Americans tend to like trying things and are not afraid to take charge. Australians don't want to be seen as thinking they are better than you...

2. ... but they will never let you think you're superior to them.
American politeness involves a kind of deference that most Australians would choke on**. Americans tend to expect it should you be perceived as their social inferior in some way (like a waitress or a younger person). As a simple example, here in the South they are particularly fond of calling people "sir" and "ma'am", whereas in Australia you will often be called "mate", "darl" or "love" by people you've only just met (especially old ladies in fish & chip shops for some reason).

Aussies aren't rude exactly, they just don't kowtow to the idea of a class system. The working-class man is the idealized cultural icon of Australia, which probably has something to do with the current culture having been created by people from the lower echelons of the British class system... Oh crap, I think I just contradicted myself. I think what I mean to say is, there is some sort of class system inasmuch as there are different socio-economic levels in society but we place less importance on those levels in our interactions, and the highest level is definitely not the most respected.

We are appropriately polite, respectful to our elders and in professional situations, but there is an inherent understanding of equality as people that I believe flows through all Australian interactions.

One of the greatest sins in Australian culture is to be "up yourself" or arrogant, and if you are suspected of this great crime you will be mercilessly cut down - the downside of which is that often if you want to achieve great success you have to move somewhere like America where self-confidence and self-assurance are considered valuable and you can get a lot more arrogant before it starts grating on people.


*There are 5 free-to-air networks and cable TV exists, but is nowhere near as prevalent as in the US. Satellite TV is more or less unheard of, or at least was when I left.

**This may be why hospitality service in Australia seems to be a bit crappier than the US. Australians do not enjoy being in a position of servitude to other people, and compensate for it with a snotty attitude. Also they get paid a decent wage, so they don't need to kiss your arse*** for tips.

***I'm spelling it the Aussie way for this post; it seemed appropriate.

I don't want to hear it.

As everyone knows, famous people have been dropping like flies this past week.

Celebrity is an odd thing; we feel like we know these people in some way, even though in reality we are complete strangers. We note their deaths, we may even feel some form of grief, or at least have some kind of emotional reaction to the news of their passing.

I'm not gonna lie, I laughed at pretty much all the sick, sick too-soon jokes floating around the blogosphere. I laughed at the title "Celebrity Death Week". I jokingly suggested the possible next celebrity to go. I laughed at the idea of Billy Mays Oxy-Cleaning the robes of the heavenly host.

Then today on a "news" channel, I heard something I fervently wish I could un-hear.

I heard the shaky, tearful, terrified voice of Billy's wife on the 911 call when she found him dead. No one deserves to have such an utterly devastating, utterly personal moment broadcast for everyone to hear*. My heart absolutely breaks for that woman.

Imagine finding the person you love most in the world still and cold. Try to imagine how you would feel in that moment.

Then imagine knowing that any and every stranger you pass in the street could have potentially heard that moment unfolding, heard your life collapsing, heard your heart breaking.

Why would anyone want to hear that? Who would think that was a thing that needed to be broadcast?

There is something seriously wrong with humanity.


*and that's why I'm not linking to anything to do with it.