Fun Size: Trivial Matters.

Why are casino & movie theatre carpets always retina-searingly ugly?

The maxi-dress is the perfect hit-on deterrent. Not even the desperate, toothless hoboes in my neighborhood want to hit on an apparently pregnant chick.

Why do different shoes make your feet smell different? It's the same sweat, right?

Furthermore, why are my most expensive shoes the worst offenders in the odor department?

Fun Size Macro

^ a brown and orange butterfly that was flitting around the garden, spreading his wings out and sipping water drops from the leaves.

Soda Fountain of Knowledge (Language Edition): Fun Size Aussie Words

Strewth*! It's been a while since I've done a Soda Fountain of Knowledge post! Here is a collection of Aussie words, very typical in that they are merely shortened forms of existing words - I guess it's too bloody hot to say long words.

hanky: n. handkerchief
As in "Don't put that disgusting used hanky back in your pocket!"

nightie: n. nightgown
As in "I couldn't sleep last night, I was up & down like a bride's nightie!"

chewy: n. chewing gum
As in "Got any chewy, mate?"

ciggie: n. cigarette
As in "Strewth, I need to cut back on the ciggies."


On a side note, why do we ask to borrow cigarettes and tissues and things like that? If you "borrow" a tissue from me, there's no way in hell I'm letting you return it.


*Strewth is an Aussie exclamation that I believe the whitefellas imported from Britain. It comes from a much older oath, God's truth! Similarly, Zounds! comes from God's wounds!

Fun Size Over to You: Avataristic

Happy Fourth of July to all my American readers!
And Happy Saturday to everyone else : )

I guess not many of you will be reading today so here's a quick thought for the weekend:

If I were a cartoon character, I would be either Hello Kitty or one of those schoolgirls from Neon Genesis Evangelion.

I mean, you can't go wrong with cute Japanese schoolgirls who can control massive violent robots, amiright? I pretty much already have the almost-crying giant wobbly eyes thing down, and I'm pretty sure dark pink ovals appear on my cheeks when I'm embarrassed.

If you were a cartoon character, who would you be and why?

Fun Size: Cocktail Hour.

I really like the drink they call a Shirley Temple - you know, Sprite with Lord-knows-what thrown in there to make it go pink. Because clearly the most important thing about a drink is that it should match your outfit.

But I was thinking the other night, I bet a Shirley Temple would taste pretty good with a shot of vodka chucked in. Only what would you call it?

I suggest, the Drew Barrymore*.




* GET IT???!!! Because she was a nine-year-old alcoholic**.

**Too soon?

Fun Size Over to You: Calling Miss Manners.

When two gentlemen are introduced, they shake hands.

When a lady and a gentleman are introduced, they might shake hands or they might skip it.

But when two ladies are introduced, is it weird to shake hands? I thought not, but I've been given a few withering-wet-fish-style hands by other ladies* recently and I'm beginning to wonder if it's because we're not supposed to shake hands.

What say you, blogosphere?



*Also, Southern women all have freakishly small soft hands. What's up with that?

Fun Size: Jaywalking.

I'm adding a new category for super short posts:Fun Size.
GET IT???? Like the candy.

Like eighty percent of the people I see jaywalking are severely physically disabled.
It's always some dude in crutches or those fancy arm-sticks* hopping awkwardly across the street, or in a wheelchair or one of those Fat Person Scooters dawdling down the bike lane. These are the people who should be the most careful getting in front of moving vehicles!

Has anyone else noticed this?


*I don't know what they're called but you know what I'm talking about right?