Why are casino & movie theatre carpets always retina-searingly ugly?
The maxi-dress is the perfect hit-on deterrent. Not even the desperate, toothless hoboes in my neighborhood want to hit on an apparently pregnant chick.
Why do different shoes make your feet smell different? It's the same sweat, right?
Furthermore, why are my most expensive shoes the worst offenders in the odor department?
numer darowizny: SRTF/067/SWD .
3 months ago
22 comments:
You know what's getting on my nerves right now? War Amps ads on TV. Do you have those? They're basically supposed to be commercials that persuade children to stay safe, but they have some amputee kid playing sports with his favourite professional team ("Here's war amp kid Johnny throwing pitches with the Toronto Blue Jays!" eg). So kids watching it are all like, "So you're telling me if I crawl into a combine harvester, lose a leg and get a cool plastic replacement, I'll get to hang around with the New York Islanders? Mum, I'm off to the farm!"
Maybe casino & movie theatre carpets are so ugly because popcorn and soda is consistently spilled on one and tears and broken dreams are consistently spilled on the other?
Fun post!
The answer to movie theater carpets is that the ugly tends to repel all of the spilled munchies.
Seriously i wanna know the answer to the shoe questions! and really about the maxi dresses? u think so?
TIR - No I haven't seen them! But that does sound counterproductive.
Lola - Hahaha, "tears & broken dreams" - so true.
SkyDad - It certainly looks repellent.
CA - I know! And yes, I can personally attest to the success of the maxi-dress at quelling attraction.
I hate the word 'fun-size' when people talk about little candy bars. If it was really fun size, it would be the size of a hat box.
Too true Sally. I like Seinfeld's bit on it: "This is the size of fun."
I like Lola's theories. I read an article once about how difficult movie theater buildings are to re-use once the theater goes under and now I think about it every time I drive by the theater that closed years ago and is still sitting empty. I thought it was because of the weird placement of walls, etc. but perhaps it's the decor?
And all this time, I thought I wasn't getting hit on because of my stinky feet! But now I know the dress is the real offender.
The only reason I can think of for the ugly carpets is that no matter what you spill on them, it looks like it belongs there.
And I'm a dude, so I don't even know what a maxi dress is.
Shoes smell so bad because of the expensive animal skin they put inside. Do we even know that the animal is dead?
I don't get the whole maxi dress thing either - on shorter women it looks like you're being swallowed by your dress. You're like a pile of laundry with a head. Sexy.
Kat - Yeah every time they show anyone the place, their eyeballs explode when they look at the carpet!
WWW - Also a good point, it is already a mass of technicolor stains! Maxi dress= huge shapeless ankle length dress that makes us look knocked up.
Madame - Bleurgh. Yes, it smells dead.
Vic - Bu they're soooo comfy, it's like walking around in a nightie.
I'm with you on the maxi dresses. Ewwww.
I love this post.
I think different shoes make different toxic odors out of the same sweat because they are all made of different materials. I think expensive shoes are more likely to be made out of more natural, therefore more absorbent, materials.
Man, this comment is really dry and science-y and boring.
POOP!!
(Better?)
why are tiny candy bars called 'fun size?' what's fun about a tiny candy? I would have more fun with an enormous candy bar.
Cora - I'd like to say I only wear it around the house, but...
Dr. Gwen - Your theory is most interesting and probable. Heh, you said "poop"!
Prosy - Like the enormous Toblerone? I think they sell that at WalMart. Mmm.
I have "fun-size" thoughts of my own. I tend to tweet them out, rather than save them for a blog. Maybe I should, cuz all that happens is some random dude gets pissed that I didn't think his favorite team's ballpark was the shiz, and then he's all cussin' me out and stuff for no reason. Blah, blah, blah.
Also, do you mind if I start using the compound adverb "retina-searingly?"
They say the casino carpets are like that so you will focus on the tables and machines instead of just looking around. I think it's just because they had to get rid of several million square feet of awful vegetal pattern multicolor carpet.
joshlos - Ha, I read about that. Of course you can use retina-searingly*!
*Royalty fees may apply.
Eric - Oh that's a good point, everyone's thinking "Don't look down, don't loo- aaaarrrggghhh my eyeballs!"
I like maxi dresses.
I think they're pretty.
And C.A. has a couple that she wears often enough.
When I got to the part about movie theater carpets being "retina-searingly ugly," I laughed out loud. I was just thinking the same thing when I saw Inglorious Basterds this weekend. Just think, it's someone's JOB to make carpets that will hide gum, piss, popcorn butter and red dye #5, how awful would that be?
CC - Mine is pretty, just not flattering.
Spleeness - Ahahahahahhaa, yes I would hate that job!!!
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