Mad Blogs II: The Bloggening*

Okay seriously, it was SO HARD to pick a winner this time!!!

I really want to give the award to pretty much all of you, but then you might "rest on pretty" as Tyra says, and not bother to enter the next one! And there WILL be a next one.

So *drrrrrrum rrrrrrroll*... the winner is... The Vegetable Assassin!!!

Please enjoy your custom made Sweet Blogger award, mate - it was a VERY close race.


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And here is the winning entry:

S'up, Sugartits! my little tentacles!

A creamy thing happened to me a nanosecond ago...

I was expertly driving my 131 kids home from midget hockey practice at 4:16 a.m. when I saw something by the side of the road and stopped to look.

It was a warthog! At first i thought it was dead, because it smelled like rotten begonias, but then I saw its taint twitch. I felt stimulated, and picked it up to put it in the car & take it home with us.

"Christ on a pogo stick!" shouted my youngest son.
"That thing is hefty. Can we keep him?"

So we named him Fluffy.

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But wait, there's more!!!
My Mum was also one of my top choices, but she doesn't have a blog and therefore cannot display the award. So instead I'm going to post her entry here too.

Top o' the mornin' my little sheep!

A greasy thing happened to me eons ago...

I was witheringly driving my 7 kids home from hurling practice at morning tea time when I saw something by the side of the road and stopped to look.

It was a caracal lynx! At first i thought it was dead, because it smelled like rotten cockroaches, but then I saw its tongue twitch. I felt dismay, and picked it up to put it in the car & take it home with us.

"Gosh all crimenentlies!**" shouted my youngest son.
"That thing is sweet. Can we keep him?"

So we named him Fluffy.


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*The title of this post has nothing to do with the subject matter of the Mad Blog™ by the way, it's just patented hilarity to say Something II: The Somethinging. And yes I am a retard and had this footnote on the previous post.
Shut up, that's why.

**Uh, what?

Jack Bauer that thing, people.

All right everyone, you have TWENTY-FOUR HOURS to save the President put in an entry for the latest edition of Mad Blogs.

So get creative and get writing/commenting and you could be the recipient of an awesome Sweet Blogger Award, just like The Imaginary Reviewer, who won the inaugural competition with the sheer force of his Britishness.

... Go and enter!


... I mean it!

Over To You: Mad Blogs II

Mad Blogs™ proved to be so popular that I wanted to give it another go.

I will be leaving this one up for a few days though - it seems I did not allow enough time for people to post entries for the first one.

For those of you just joining us, Mad Blogs™ is the blog version of Mad Libs:

1. I give you a list of blanks to fill
2. You respond with your filler words in the comments
3. I pick my favorite set of answers
4. I post the completed Mad Blog™ and a Sweet Blogger award for the winner!

Here is the list of blanks:
greeting
plural noun
adjective
length of time
adverb ending in -ly
number
sport
time of day
animal
plural noun
body part
emotional state
exclamation
adjective

Mad Blogs I: The Mad Blogger.

Mad Blogs™ may just be the best blogging related idea I've ever had. Of course it wouldn't have been as awesome without such fantastic audience participation, so thank you!!! Not one of you failed to make me laugh hysterically with your word choices.

In a way, everyone who commented is a winner.

But in another, more accurate way, The Imaginary Reviewer is the winner. I think his innate Britishness helped the awesomeocity of his verbiage.

I deliver on my promises, and I promised an award, so here is your award, Mr. Reviewer - the custom-made, inaugural Soda & Candy Sweet Blogger Award. It's kind of a big deal.



Please to enjoy the winning entry in Mad Blogs™ Chapter I.

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Hi everyone!

Sorry it's been three generations since my last post. Things have been rotund around the old houseboat.

I just got back from a Johnny 5 trip to Cardiff, visiting my eight-point-three recurring cousins along the way. It was balmy... except for the sleet. I also sprained my spleen, but I recovered tragically.

Work at the pipe maker has been portly too. I work zero hours a day and can barely be bothered to cook up an ocelot burger when I get home. I just sit on the couch and maniacally watch The Golden Girls marathons until it's time for bed.

That only leaves me sixty-six hours a day in which to read and comment on all your blogs, not to mention writing my own debonair posts!



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BONUS MATERIAL

Here's the unadjusted Mad Blog - feel free to substitute your own answers from the last post and post on your blog - let us know if you do in the comments here!!!!

Hi everyone!

Sorry it's been [length of time] since my last post. Things have been [adjective] around the old [type of dwelling].

I just got back from a [mode of transport] trip to [name of city], visiting my [number] cousins along the way. It was [adjective]... except for the [weather condition]. I also sprained my [body part], but I recovered [adverb ending in -ly].

Work at the [type of business] has been [adjective] too. I work [number] hours a day and can barely be bothered to cook up a [animal] burger when I get home. I just sit on the couch and [adverb ending in -ly] watch [TV show] marathons until it's time for bed.

That only leaves me [number] hours a day in which to read and comment on all your blogs, not to mention writing my own [adjective] posts!

Over To You: Mad Blogs

UPDATE: This contest is now closed, but please feel free to create/post your own entries anyway!!!

I need your help, readers!

I had a great idea for a post but it's only going to work if you guys pitch in.

So... remember Mad Libs? They're basically short stories with words missing, and you get someone who doesn't know what the story is to give you words to fill in the blanks.

I want to do the bloggy version, so I'm going to give you a list of the blanks to fill - you respond in the comments.

I'll pick the only my favorite response and then post the completed Mad Blog.

Also, the winner gets an award if I can figure out how to post one of the damn things!

So please give it a go!

Here are the blanks:
[length of time]
[adjective]
[type of dwelling]
[mode of transport]
[name of city]
[number]
[adjective]
[weather condition]
[body part]
[adverb ending in -ly]
[type of business]
[adjective]
[number]
[animal]
[adverb ending in -ly]
[TV show]
[number]
[adjective]

(Holy crap, that turned out to be a lot longer list than I thought!!! )

Ode to Wheaty Bear

Wheaty Bear sits upon the shelf
Dependable and solid
Waiting for the two or three days a month
When I'm feeling horrid

You see, he's not a normal bear
His body's filled with wheat
Which can soothe one's pains away
When microwaved to high heat

Prone upon the couch
I hold him to my belly
He helps to keep the cramps at bay
And together we watch telly*

Wheaty has a dejected air
And upsettingly blind appearance
Because his eyes are gone for good
Due to doggy interference

Even though he looks a mess
(his bowtie's chewed as well)
He makes me feel much better
When I feel like hell

So thank you Bear
For your attempts at healing
In my time of woe
Hugging you gives me good feelings


*Telly= television. Do Americans say this?

Conversations With: Beyoncé the Dreamgirl.

We Netflixed Dreamgirls the other night because it was my turn to pick one. We've been watching horror and action for a while, so I decided to go super-girly.

I forgot that musicals, especially modern ones (except for Sweeney Todd which rocks), are like baths; I don't have the attention span for them. I got bored and impatient lots of times, waiting for them to stop warbling on and get back to the plot.

Husband livened things up a bit with this comment: "I guess Beyoncé had it written into her contract that she'd be the only good looking one."

...which then had us imagining Beyoncé on the phone with her agent:

Beyoncé: So it'll be me, a fatty*, and a girl who could devour me whole through a picket fence**. Done.

Agent: Yeeeesssss... You do understand you'll be playing the inferior singer, don't you?

Beyoncé: But there's a fatty, right? I'm in.




*Note: Jennifer Hudson is beautiful and has an awe-inspiring set of pipes on her. But she should not wear figure-hugging satin***.

**She's got big teeth. Like, Secretariat big. I was going to say Phar Lap, but y'all wouldn't have heard of him.

***Of course neither should pretty much anyone, including me. It's Horrendoville. Just look at that photo.