Monday, April 13, 2009

Ode to Wheaty Bear

Wheaty Bear sits upon the shelf
Dependable and solid
Waiting for the two or three days a month
When I'm feeling horrid

You see, he's not a normal bear
His body's filled with wheat
Which can soothe one's pains away
When microwaved to high heat

Prone upon the couch
I hold him to my belly
He helps to keep the cramps at bay
And together we watch telly*

Wheaty has a dejected air
And upsettingly blind appearance
Because his eyes are gone for good
Due to doggy interference

Even though he looks a mess
(his bowtie's chewed as well)
He makes me feel much better
When I feel like hell

So thank you Bear
For your attempts at healing
In my time of woe
Hugging you gives me good feelings


*Telly= television. Do Americans say this?

18 comments:

Shawn said...

We do not say "telly". We say TV. We also have no idea what a wheaty bear is. Or at least I don't. Sounds like a girl thing, though.

Anonymous said...

You must really love your wheaty bear. No, we never say telly. Just TV.

Anonymous said...

No, American's don't say "telly" unless they are talking about the star from the classic 1970's TV show "Kojak."

Anonymous said...

I appreciate this, truly.

I have only a hot water bottle and I have seriously considered strapping it to my belly to go grocery shopping at certain crampy times. Maybe it needs a name to make it seem less creepy...

Kurt said...

I don't know what wheaty bear is but he kinda sounds like a blind hostage. So that's cool.

Soda and Candy said...

Shawn, Prosy - Wheaty Bear is just my name for him. You can get non-bear shaped wheat pillows. Maybe boys would get, like, gun-shaped ones.

Del-V - Kojak! I have to respect a man who likes lollipops.

Vegetable Assassin - I feel your pain. Maybe you should disembowel a teddy bear and shove the water bottle up... no wait, you said LESS creepy. Never mind!
; )

Kurt - Heh, there is something unsettling about his empty sockets.

mo.stoneskin said...

Hilarious.

Doggy interference will be the undoing of us all.

words...words...words... said...

I don't know what a wheat pillow is, but Wheaty Bear is a freaking adorable name. When I read your title I thought it was going to be a brand of cereal I wasn't aware of.

Bea said...

i have a wheaty bear too! except its a she, and she has a purple vest. nice ode.

MJenks said...

I say telly. No, wait...I say "tellie".

Anonymous said...

I say telly when I need to prove I'm cultured.

katrocket said...

I say "telly", but only to be more like Madonna.

Nej said...

I have both a wheat pillow (I use mainly when suffering from the flu, and my back hurts)...AND a childhood teddy bear with no eyes.

Sadly, the pillow and the bear are not one in the same.

Wheaty Bear sounds great!!

Anna Russell said...

I knew if I came here I'd end up eyeing up my daughter's Easter eggs. And now I'm eating one of them. Oh well, it'll save her teeth.

Esmé Glass said...

I call it "telly". But I'm weird.

Andy - Instafather said...

We don't say telly, but we should. And I love your poems.

Diane said...

All those people being critical about telly... geez (did I tell you my dog is half Aussie? He says telly).

I love Wheaty Bear. I need him. Badly.

Soda and Candy said...

Mo - You're so right

WWW - And it's always said in Pouty Sympathy voice too - "Honey, do you need Wheaty Bear?" - Also, Wheaty Bear cereal would rock.

Gnu - Aww, mine has blue corduroy overalls.

mjenks, kimizzy, katrocket - you so crazy! yes. all three of you.

Nej - Aww, childhood bear.

Anna Russell - You are a saintly mother.

Racquel - You can say your Aussie friend made you do it!

Andy - Thanks! I should write you one for your wedding ; )

Diane - Hahahaha, your dog rules. Also, get your own bear!!!