Soda Fountain of Knowledge Language Edition: Dero Moll

You have Season 3 of Australia's Next Top Model to thank for today's SFoK entry.

dero:
1. n. An unattractive, unkempt, disheveled person, possibly homeless. From derelict. Usually used in a pejorative rather than literal sense.
For example: "She's a total dero!"

2. adj. Having the appearance of a dero.
"You're such a dero moll!"

moll:
n. A woman of low class, in both appearance and behaviour.
For example: "I hope she gets eliminated next, because she's a moll."

Seven Sweets

Someone thinks I'm awesome!


I felt pretty bad about neglecting to follow up on this award meme until I realized that the wonderful Cora, who gave it to me, had admitted to neglecting it for some time herself!

And how could I resist when Cora redesigned the award to have conspicuous sweet-toothed overconsumption, but also it has PINK in it?!

So in honor of Cora's redesign (and the writer's trick of sticking to what you know), my list of seven is all about sweet things from various corners of the globe that I could gorge myself on all day.

The hard part was narrowing it down to seven.

From Australia
Tim Tams
I know I've written about them before, but I can't leave them out of this list!!! Tim Tams are the quintessential Australian cookie, although Aussies call cookies biscuits* (we don't have the savory, scone-like things Americans call biscuits).
A Tim Tam is 2 rectangular chocolate biscuits with chocolate-flavored cream sandwiched in the middle, then the whole thing is covered in chocolate.
I like to eat them by themselves (in large numbers) but there is also a popular technique whereby the Tim Tam is used as a straw by biting off each end and sucking hot chocolate or coffee through it. Shamefully I haven't actually tried this, so if any Aussies out there want to elaborate on this procedure please do!!!

Jaffas
I'm not even sure Jaffas are being made any more. They're little spheres of orangey-flavored chocolate, coated with a thin layer of orange candy (like an M&M). The main use for Jaffas is not eating but rolling them down the aisles at the movie theatre - due to their spherical shape and smooth coating they roll quite well.

Fantales
Another movie theatre candy. Fantales are delicious individually-wrapped rectangular lozenges of milk-chocolate-coated chewy caramel. Your dentist will berate you if you eat too many of these sticky, chewy delights. It's sort of like getting a whole bag of my one favorite chocolate from an assorted box. The unique thing about Fantales is that on the wrapper there are (usually hilariously outdated) movie-related facts such as movie-star biographies or plot synopses of classic films.

Chupa Chups
Chupa Chups aren't really Australian, but as that's where I first ate them and I have yet to personally see them on sale in the US they're going in my Australian list.
Chupa Chups are a brand of lollipop, or sucker, which come in a huge variety of flavors. There's cola flavor, classic fruit flavors such as orange, lemon & strawberry, the expanded fruit range including delicious green apple and transcendent cherry, and a disturbing and unpleasant cream-based flavor range.
Chupa Chups originated in Spain; the name comes from the verb "chupar" which means to suck or lick**. The second-best thing about Chupa Chups, after their deliciousness, is that the logo was designed by one of my favorite artists, Salvador Dali. The third best thing is that the stick is made of plastic instead of paper so it doesn't get all mank and soggy while you're eating.


From America
Milk Duds
Milk Duds, like Fantales, are milk-chocolate-coated chewy caramel but they are not individually wrapped, they are smaller and sort of round pebble shaped. They are completely addictive and it is quite easy to eat a whole box very quickly.
There are of course many more wonderful American candies but this is the one I'm most in love with that is not available in Australia.

From England / Europe
Kinder Surprise Eggs
Kinder Surprise is made by Ferrero, an Italian company. It is a hollow egg (approximately the size of a regular chicken egg) made of a very mild milk chocolate with a thin layer of white chocolate on the inside. Inside the hollow egg is a capsule containing a toy.
They are supposedly designed for children (kinder being the German word for children) but are beloved by most people who like chocolate and awesomeness.
The best Kinder Surprise toys require some construction; they come in parts and have wonderfully simple wordless instructions included in the capsule. Sometimes you'll get a crappy one like a small plastic figurine or a little cardboard jigsaw puzzle, upon which event you throw a tantrum and demand to be bought a new one until a satisfactory surprise is received.

Terry's Chocolate Orange
Terry's Chocolate Orange is from England originally but sold in quite a lot of countries now. It is available in both milk and dark chocolate. It is a ball the size of a small orange, wrapped in orange foil. Before you unwrap the Orange, you bash it against a hard surface like a countertop to break each end, because this releases the segments - it is actually segmented somewhat like a real orange. This is adorable, but also makes it very easy to eat a solid tennis-ball sized amount of chocolate in a very short time.


And that concludes my thesis on interesting, tasty and wonderful things from around the world. Now it's time for that dreaded part of the meme where I infect other people with it. In honor of the Awesummm award's new non-girly-specific design, I am nominating only boy bloggers to pass this onto (but even if you're not on the list or not even a boy, please feel free to take this meme and run with it).
Please write a list of seven things from any topic you like, although I would be delighted if it was related to food and particularly sweet things.

I nominate:
the INdefatigable mjenks
mjenks, I'm so stupid, Cora already nominated you along with me, so you don't have to do it twice if you don't want to!!!

mo.stoneskin
Andy
Words... words... words...
Cooper Green
G Henry
Tennyson ee Hemingway
The Jules - I'm adding you in as a ringer for mjenks since you're my newest male blogroll member!



*Or bickies for short.
**Which you may recognize from the Mexican monster El Chupacabra, the goatsucker.

I Love Hate Love Harper's Bazaar

Years and years ago I used to read Harper's Bazaar magazine all the time, but once I moved out of home it started to make me angry and I stopped buying it.

When you're on a tight budget just to make the rent every month, seeing those glossy photos of $300 t-shirts and $4,000 shoes really grates on you. I was livid to think that not only were people buying these things, they were tossing them in the back of the closet the following month and going out to get new ones. Lousy rich bastards. Couldn't they live without one more sterling silver Tiffany paperweight and pay my rent for a couple weeks?

But I just got my hands on a copy of the American Bazaar and it made me remember why I liked it in the beginning. Fashion at the haute couture level is like art. We're talking about a sculptural, hand-carved heel or a full-length gown encrusted with tiny Swarovski crystals. You just can't haggle over price at that level. If those designers were worried about keeping costs down they'd never be able to produce the exuberant, over-the-top craziness that they do.

A dress that uses a football field worth of lace and took eighteen Spanish grandmothers six weeks to make by hand is never going to be cheap and I will never be able to afford it, but when I look at a picture of it in a glossy magazine it makes me happy because I have witnessed beauty. It feeds my soul in the same way that a beautiful oil painting, photograph or poem can.

Real Car Scents

Confirmed Bachelor
The ladies will be sure to know you're oh-so-available when they catch a whiff of this vague, mildewy scent with subtle undertones of Parmesan and gym socks.

Axe™ Miasma
Works on your car just like it does on your body! Drench your ride in an overpowering musk of hormones and desperation.

Nicotine Fug
Want to appear cooler to your friends? More stressed out to your boss or colleagues? Fill your car with the all-pervading, persistent aroma of two packs a day.

Playgroup
Just because you don't drive a minivan doesn't mean your vehicle can't have that soaked-in essence of apple juice, cookie crumbs and warm urine.

Calling all girls!

Ladies:

Do you secretly (or not-so-secretly) like to read books that have hot pink covers with curly writing and impossibly slender cartoon chicks on the front?

Does this somewhat less than intellectual literary proclivity embarrass and delight you at the same time?

Do you have a hectic schedule or a short attention span that only allows you to read a chapter at a time?

Do you like blogs with awesome names?

If you answered "hells yes!" to all of the above, Ninja Sex Pants (check out that URL name, best evs) is the blog for you. Moonkee writes a Cheesy Bookstore Romance (her words, not mine!!!) serialized in blog form. She explains it like this:

In 1996 I started writing a cheesy romance. I was working at Waldenbooks then and saw daily what utter crap was selling like hotcakes. (See "Throwing 'The Horse Whisperer' across the room upon completion, circa 1996.")
This is the result, as far as I got with it.

Now remember, this was written to make fun of other books. The initial idea was to take something exceedingly dull and cheese it up. I believe that when it's done right, this could be termed something along the lines of "farce" or "satire." But fear not! I promise that you will find no such thing in the reality that is CBR. You'll want to start with the first posting, April 25. And by "want" we all know I mean "will do it to make her feel better and staunch the flow of approval-seeking e-mail before it starts."

Unfortunately, Moonkee has allowed real life to interfere with posting the next chapter. I know, right?! So I'm counting on y'all to get over there (in the interest of doing my bidding, go to that link before you go to Chapter 1) and beg shout at coerce encourage her to continue writing!!!

I need my next chapter, people!

Moonkee, I'm not above bribery. Please accept this shiny new Sweet Blogger (Redux) Award* as prepayment for my next chapter!!!



*I don't know who all I've given this award to but if you have the old one, please feel free to take this one as an upgrade!
On a side note, I'm kind of annoyed because the colors are showing up much more blue/purple and wishy-washy when I upload it than they are in the original file, but I still think it's better than the old one. Does anyone know why the color looks perfect when I Save For Web in Photoshop and then changes when I upload it to Blogger?

The sky.

The sky was blue for the first time in days, but the bus still smelled like unwashed bodies and despair.

I'd write more posts but...

...I'm sitting in a quaint little café in Paris, eating a fresh baguette with thick slices of creamy, decadent brie, admiring my new Christian Louboutin stilettos and Hermès silk scarf...

...I'm gliding along the canals of Venice in a gondola laden with Italian shoes and beautiful Murano glass, daintily nibbling on delicious lemon, blood-orange and pannacotta gelato...

...I'm in Hong Kong being measured for a tailor-made hot pink cheongsam, drinking jasmine tea and eating fluffy white barbecue pork buns, giggling at the antics of my new pet baby panda...

...I'm on a Tahitian beach, lying on an enormous towel under the shade of a coconut palm, being lulled to sleep by the waves lapping the shore and the soothing scent of tropical flowers on the breeze while my monkey butler fetches me freshly squeezed pineapple and orange juice...


...I'm at home sick, achey, nauseous and sorely lacking in blogly inspiration (thanks to Gwen for giving me this idea!)

How about you guys?