Halloween is just around the corner!
The vast majority of Australians do not celebrate Halloween. Trick or treating is virtually unheard of. If you don't have small children, who might do some Halloween-themed coloring-in at school, you probably wouldn't even notice it coming and going. So I don't have the cultural connection to it or the emotional history that Americans who've grown up in this tradition might have.
As I remarked some time ago on the Caped Tirader's blog, I like candy (understatement of the year?) but costumes etc. are a bit too much effort for me.
So I propose a new holiday (I can hear the retailers salivating now):
Laze-O-Ween.
It's the lazy version of Halloween! Here, let me show you by comparison:
Halloween: Door-to-door traipsing around the neighbourhood
Laze-O-Ween: Lying prone in the comfiest chair in your house. Preferably a La-Z-Boy - they'd be the perfect Laze-O-Ween sponsors!
Halloween: Elaborate and potentially expensive costumes require thought and effort.
Laze-O-Ween: No costumes, you just wear your undies and a wifebeater. You're in your own home after all.
Halloween: You must buy large amounts of crowd-pleasing, individually wrapped candies.
Laze-O-Ween: You buy however much you want of the candy you like best.
Halloween: American culture dictates that you must give the aforementioned candy away to complete strangers just because they knock on your door and they're so little and adorable in their teeny weeny costumes!!!
Laze-O-Ween: You turn the TV up to drown out the sound of the doorbell, consume all the candy yourself over the course of the evening and fall asleep in a delicious sugar haze, nestled amongst the discarded wrappers.
See? Laze-O-Ween is much better!
What Halloween tradition would you improve with a Laze-o-Ween twist?
numer darowizny: SRTF/067/SWD .
1 month ago
24 comments:
Our Thanksgiving tradition needs some work. I don't like going to all the trouble of fixing a lot of food to eat very fast and then lay around in agony. I want somebody to deliver food so I can eat fast and lay around in agony.
SkyDad - Hahahaha, someone needs to start Turkeys R Us, to deliver full Thanksgiving dinners. "In 5 hours or it's free!"
Oh come on S&C, if some little kid came up to your house dressed as a 'roo, you can't tell me that wouldn't excite you!
Hah, I love any lazy holiday proposal, S&C for mayor!
Laze-O-Ween sounds badass. Halloween is so annoying cuz it's just so much damn work. I'm all for lazing around the house, eating candy and ignoring the doorbell!
I think every day is Laze-o-Ween for me, so I actually need a holiday from it.
Are wives allowed to wear wifebeaters? I thought that was illegal.
I’d suggest a reversion to more traditional practices associated with Halloween, which is after all a Christianised version of the Celtic festival of Samhain. I believe some sort of ritual sacrifice would be appropriate, ideally of one of those children who demand candy from you. It would only be fair.
I'm convinced. Laze-O-Ween it is!
Mr C - That would be adorable. Thanks for the nomination! ; )
Hiphop - Right? Sounds like a great day!
BeckEye - Haha, you make it look good though!
Mo - Of course! We're still not allowed to beat our wives though.
Simon - Hmm, that IS tempting.
Hunter - Yesss! Enjoy Laze-o-Ween, my friend.
I would celebrate the same way as I do now. A Drunken brawl with some jackhole in a hobo costume*
*Might have been an actual hobo, too drunk to be sure.
I think I will be celebrating Laze-O-Ween this year. I think you forgot to mention that Laze-o-ween is held on November 1st, so all the candy is on sale.
I think your costume idea is already in full force in the aisles of local Wal-marts. Other than that, I am with you. Let's celebrate!
Kurt - Hey, the freedom to celebrate holidays however you want is what makes America great! Or something.
Prosy - You're so right. I can't believe I left that out! This is also how we celebrate Laze-ster and Laze-mas (or Laze-over and Laze-ukkah for our Hebrew friends)
Andy - People are wearing just their undies to Walmart? Dang!
every year i make an effort to buy halloween candy for the children, but when halloween night comes along, i turn off all the lights in my house, watch movies, and eat it all myself.
Can you hire someone else to go out and do tricks? Uh, I meant in the mischievous way, not in the professional sex service way of course.
Cheryl - That's the Laze-O-Ween spirit!
Eric - Yes... of course you did
; ) haha, yeah "Here's $5 and a carton of eggs, kid. Now go down to number 27 and go crazy!"
HAHAHAHA! This slayed me. I love Halloween, and I'm always the one mom who is more excited about it than the kids. I'll be running from house to house in the dark ahead of everyone else urging the whole herd on when the rest of them start getting tired, "c'mon, one more block!!" Obnoxious, huh? However, this Halloween will be different. I'm having my tonsils out two days prior and I seriously doubt I'll feel like partying, so I'm going to steal your Laze-O-Ween idea. Me likey.
This is perfect. I can just use my Festivus decorations!
Cora - Oh no! Poor tonsils. Can you eat lots of ice-cream though?
LiLu - Hahaha, exactly!
S&C! I'm so very happy for you. You've turned a fun holiday into another excuse to exhibit selfishness and sloth.
You're...you're really AMERICAN now! Yay!!!
WWW - Hahahahaha, it's everything I ever dreamed it would be!
Being Australian, I know exactly what you mean. However, the Halloween spirit is creeping up out here, thanks to the internet and TV. For the past two years, we've actually had trick or treaters knocking on the door. It's very disconcerting when you have nothing to give. I think we gave money in the end. As for Lazoween: Halloween is Oct 31; Lazoween is Jan 1 to Dec 31. Much more fun.
I think that instead of dressing up and begging for candy on my doorstep, the little ankle biters should dress up and DELIVER candy to my doorstep.
LONG LIVE LAZE-O-WEEEEEEEEN!
Tennyson - Yes! Lazing year-round. Alo, we had ONE trick-or-treater knock on our door the year before we left Oz, I was like, no, we're Aussie we don't celebrate Halloween!
Gwen - Hahahaha yes!!! As much as they can carry! Like little tiny pack mules.
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