How do you blog?

How do you blog?

Do you blog like a frog on a log?
Like a dog playing with Pogs?

Are you turning cogs in the fog
Or dancing in clogs?

Is your mind full of smog
Would you rather go for a jog?

How do you blog?

Namaste, dirtbags.

So the other day I misread Yoga Co-op as Yoga Cop.

Yoga Cop would make a great sitcom.

A big-city detective, retired after some traumatic experience in the line of duty, opens a yoga studio to try to find some inner peace. But after a typo in his newspaper ad, people keep coming to him to solve crimes and he always ends up using yoga to do it. Like maybe he meditates and centers his mind so that the solution can come to him, or he subdues the bad guy by twisting him into some pretzelly position, or discovers the missing bullet casings while doing a quick downward facing dog at the crime scene. Hilarity ensues.

Thomas Haden Church would make an excellent Yoga Cop. He would always be butting heads with the sassy Latina detective who's taken over his old beat. His yoga studio partners would be an elderly burnt-out hippie and a ditzy new-agey girl that would be his love interest.

Would you watch Yoga Cop? Leave your casting and plot suggestions in the comments!

Dear Mr. Leopard...

Dear Mr. Leopard,

Would you mind awfully if I made you into a coat? It's just that your fur is ridiculously beautiful. Even up close it looks almost hand-painted. Are you really just a mountain lion with a talented hairdresser?

If you don't want to be made into a coat, I guess I could settle for keeping you as a pet, but you'd have to consent to wearing a sparkly collar and being patted a lot.

Let me know.

Love,
Soda & Candy

I like words and stuff.

two of my favorite words of the moment:

ineptitude
which I was very excited about as I thought I had invented it to mean the ability to be crap at everything, but in fact it turns out is already a word meaning the quality of being inept. I like it though as it is still the antithesis (ooh another good word!) of aptitude.

troglodyte
it means cave-dweller, and makes a good insult when you don't want to curse and would like to appear pompous.

And in another Survivor-related post...

What would CBS do if there was some kind of natural disaster or freak accident in which all of the Survivors were killed?

"Tonight on Survivor: Some Random Island We Hope You've Forgotten We've Already Been To: A freak tidal wave washes away the camp, and all the Survivors are washed out to sea. Ironically, there are no survivors."

I suppose Jeff would just keep the million.

Make sense? Wanna know what you're playing for?

Survivor is about to be back on for its 27th season. I'm pretty sure Jeff Probst can just go ahead & print his own money now. In fact I imagine his last salary negotiation went something like this:

[SCENE: Interior, CBS boardroom.
Executives sit around a table the size of a swimming pool. JEFF PROBST enters. He is wearing chunky gold rings on each finger, heavy chains about his neck and a floor-length fur coat.]

JEFF PROBST: Fifty virgins by tomorrow, or I walk.

CONCERNED EXECUTIVE: But Jeff...

JEFF PROBST: Ah-bah-bah! [peremptorily waves beringed hand] Fifty.


[FIN]

Fun Size: Trivial Matters.

Why are casino & movie theatre carpets always retina-searingly ugly?

The maxi-dress is the perfect hit-on deterrent. Not even the desperate, toothless hoboes in my neighborhood want to hit on an apparently pregnant chick.

Why do different shoes make your feet smell different? It's the same sweat, right?

Furthermore, why are my most expensive shoes the worst offenders in the odor department?