Free Carlos!!! I'll give you candy! Guaranteed.*

Join me, won't you, in the campaign to save this adorable beagle basset hound (duh, S&C) and his freakishly stumpy legs?



Fantastic lady blogger, Miss Yvonne, wants nothing more than to save his droopy little punim from certain clinical depression by adopting him into the squishy bosom of her family, but Captain Carl, her (I assume) ruggedly handsome sea-captain husband, is resisting (boo hiss), so Miss Yvonne needs all the bloggerly help she can get to bring Carlos Spicy Wiener home for Christmas, I mean New Year's. (There is already an official badge, but you know me, I like to do my own art)

So get over there and join the campaign!!!


*Not a guarantee.

Over to You, Ladies: A Question of Etiquette

Dear Ladies of the blogosphere,

When a gentleman holds a door for you to allow you to go through ahead of him, do you

a) hold in the fart until you are far enough away to let out the daintiest rose-scented pfft and still keep your admittedly shaky reputation as a lady?

or

b) let one rip in his face in an implied threat to the patriarchy as you strut past?

Mad Blogs VII: Mad Style

Merry Day Off, everyone!

In the spirit of the holiday season, and to heap guilt upon those who didn't participate, I declare each and every entry in the latest Mad Blogs a winner! You all get a super special Christmas colored Sweet Blogger Award.


Here are all the entries, reproduced in the order in which they commented.

Feel free to praise your favorites in the comments!


****
HUNTER

Bangkok Fashion Week is the dumbest new event on the fashion calendar.

Gorgeous models will be quickly strutting their stuff in looks by the most smelly designers.

The first runway show is starting! Just look at those fabulous sequined crotchless panties. And those darling little hats shaped like bitches!

That Gimp Mask is hand beaded with 10,000 Swarovski crystals. It took centuries to sew them all on!

The designer told me that this season, it's all about the nipple. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from wombat hair, can you believe it?

See you at the next show, my little platypuses.

****
SIMON

Bath Fashion Week is the unlikeliest new event on the fashion calendar.

Gorgeous models will be voraciously strutting their stuff in looks by the most inflexible designers.

The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined gingham dress. And those darling little hats shaped like potatoes!

That bowler hat is hand beaded with one hundred and eighty-three Swarovski crystals. It took twenty-seven years and nine months to sew them all on!

The designer told me that this season, it's all about the pancreas. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from rhinoceros hair, can you believe it?

See you at the next show, my little aardvarks.

****
CORA

Seattle Fashion Week is the skankiest new event on the fashion calendar.

Gorgeous models will be rudely strutting their stuff in looks by the most bulging designers.

The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined thong. And those darling little hats shaped like marbles!

That trench coat is hand beaded with 101 Swarovski crystals. It took 2 minutes to sew them all on!

The designer told me that this season, it's all about the thumb. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from whale hair, can you believe it?

See you at the next show, my little chipmunks.

****
MORGAN THE MUSE

Des Moines, Iowa (pronounced DEE Moyn) Fashion Week is the scrapiest new event on the fashion calendar.

Gorgeous models will be deadly strutting their stuff in looks by the most theft-proof designers.

The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined dead animal. And those darling little hats shaped like octopodes!

That unitard is hand beaded with 42 Swarovski crystals. It took an epoch to sew them all on!

The designer told me that this season, it's all about the right index finger. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from unicorn hair, can you believe it?

See you at the next show, my little elephants.

****
SCOPE

Mudfork, West Virginia Fashion Week is the a$$-backwardest new event on the fashion calendar.

Gorgeous models will be bubbly strutting their stuff in looks by the most gnarled designers.

The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined corset. And those darling little hats shaped like footballs!

Those fishnet stockings are hand beaded with 12 Swarovski crystals. It took a fortnight to sew them all on!

The designer told me that this season, it's all about the big toe. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from moose hair, can you believe it?

See you at the next show, my little geese.

****
MO.STONESKIN

Berlin Fashion Week is the Frenchest new event on the fashion calendar.

Gorgeous models will be extremely strutting their stuff in looks by the most yellow designers.

The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined fingerless glove. And those darling little hats shaped like hamsters!

That slipper is hand beaded with 7 Swarovski crystals. It took 40 seconds to sew them all on!

The designer told me that this season, it's all about the bum. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from giraffe hair, can you believe it?

See you at the next show, my little lemurs.

****
BECKEYE

Poughkeepsie Fashion Week is the surliest new event on the fashion calendar.

Gorgeous models will be beautifully strutting their stuff in looks by the most ridiculous designers.

The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined bra. And those darling little hats shaped like monsters!

That dickey is hand beaded with 300 Swarovski crystals. It took 3 weeks to sew them all on!

The designer told me that this season, it's all about the index finger. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from cheetah hair, can you believe it?

See you at the next show, my little eels.

****
and last but not least,
WORDS... WORDS... WORDS...

Intercourse, PA Fashion Week is the soggiest new event on the fashion calendar.

Gorgeous models will be superciliously strutting their stuff in looks by the most stanky designers.

The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined ascot. And those darling little hats shaped like pineapples!

That dickie is hand beaded with 19 Swarovski crystals. It took seventeen minutes to sew them all on!

The designer told me that this season, it's all about the earlobe. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from polar bear hair, can you believe it?

See you at the next show, my little cicadas.

I'm dreaming of a blood-red Christmas... wait, what?

There's still time to enter my Mad Blogs competition, but I have to put this post up before Christmas while it's still relevant...

So I was just thinking about the difference between American Christmas and Aussie Christmas.

As I remarked on Simon's blog, when he was sent an Aussie Christmas card,

Awww, an Aussie Christmas.

You just want to eat nice cold leg ham, prawns and salad because it's so effing hot, but you have to also have a turkey and a lead-weight pudding because it's just not Christmas without inappropriately hot European foods.

Christmas in the Southern hemisphere, of course, is in the middle of summer, and in Australia, it is quite often the high point of bushfire season*.

One year the bushfires were particularly bad and their effects were noticeable even far away in the city. We ate Christmas lunch under a blood-red sun which hung sullenly in the grey, ash-choked sky. The wind carried little flakes of ash that fluttered onto our plates, disintegrating at the touch.

It was like gathering at the end of the world.



*Similar to wildfires in California. In fact, the increase in wildfires in California in recent years has been attributed by some to the popularity of eucalyptus or gum trees (native to Australia) which are chock full of eucalyptus oil and therefore extremely flammable. I don't know if this is true or not, but it sounds about right.

Over to You: Mad Blogs VII

If you don't already know, Mad Blogs™ is the blog version of Mad Libs:

1. I give you a list of blanks to fill
2. You respond with your filler words in the comments
3. I pick my favorite set of answers after an arbitrarily assigned a predetermined length of time. For this one, Wednesday Dec 23, so I can post a winner Christmas Eve (I may make it later if I don't get enough entries by then).
   
4. I post the completed Mad Blog™ and a Sweet Blogger award for the winner/s.
   

Here is the list of blanks:
City
adjective ending in -est
adverb ending in -ly
adjective
item of clothing
plural noun
item of clothing
number
length of time
body part
animal
animal, plural

'Tis the season...

Lazy Ass Cooking (recipe included).

I randomly came up with this idea for a hybrid mac & cheese / veggie bake and it turned out rather well so I thought I'd share the recipe with you. It's really easy even for me who is a bit crap at cooking, and can be modified depending on your tastes (except if you hate cheese, then you're pretty much out of luck).

Ingredients:
12oz (340g) box of spiral pasta
or "salad twirls" as they are fancily called here. I used the "rainbow' kind (where some are orangey and some are green) to add interest.

about 8 mushrooms, sliced
you can use different veggies like maybe broccoli, peas or whatever if you prefer. Chunks of cooked chicken or little bits of ham or bacon would also work well, I think.

1 clove garlic, minced
or finely chopped if your mincer got broken and you haven't bought a new one yet because they are all like fifteen dollars and what the eff?

1 nice tomato
I bought a vine-ripened one specially because they actually have flavor unlike their pale multi-pack cousins.

1 small jar four-cheese alfredo pasta sauce

1 metric ton* grated cheese
*Not really. 2 or 3 large handfuls should do.

Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 350º F (or whatever it is in Celsius if you are not American. Google it, okay?)

Cook the spiral pasta until just a bit chewy - slightly less done than al dente - drain in a colander when it's done.

While the pasta is cooking, sautée the mushrooms and garlic with a bit of oil, until the mushrooms are not raw any more, but not quite done. Chop the tomato into large chunks and chuck it in with the mushrooms at the end so the tomato mixes in and gets a little bit heated. (if you are doing different veggies, just cook them until they're almost done. I feel like I chucked in some basil or possibly oregano flakes at this point but not sure. You may enjoy pepper or other spices.)

Mix the veggies in with the drained pasta in the pasta pot. Add the alfredo sauce and a big handful of grated cheese. I guess it'd be like a half cup or maybe a bit less, I have little hands.

Put a bit of water in the bottom of a ceramic lasagna dish / pan thingy. Pour the pasta mix into the dish and spread it out evenly. I also filled the empty alfredo sauce jar about a third full with water and swished it to around to mix with the sauce left in the jar, then added that to the dish and mixed it all in; you get all the sauce and the water helps it to not dry out when baking.

Then cover the lot with a bunch of grated cheese. Make it not totally covered, so you can still see some bits of pasta poking out; that way they will get crispy & make nice texture.

Bake it in the oven for about 40 minutes or until the cheese on top is perfectly golden brown.

It serves 4 or two really hungry people.


I find I really can't be arsed cooking anything complicated on weeknights so I will probably make this a lot from now on. Do you have any similarly easy (hopefully vegetarian) dishes in your repertoire?