Steamed.

When I step out of the shower I feel glorious.

Full and luscious and soft, my skin plump with water and gently steaming like the fluffiest, whitest bun. My lime and brown sugar scrub makes me smell like the promise of a mojito.

Then I pull on my jeans... and suddenly I feel like a giant blob of sausage stuffed into not enough skin.

Reader Poll: It's just sour milk, really...

Do you pronounce it yogg-urt, or yo-gurt?

Please indicate your country of origin/residence so it can be taken into account with your answer.

Sweet, sweet candy.

I have been sadly lacking in sugar-related content on this blog lately, so here's a two-fer.

1. A recipe: Super Easy Peanut Butter Cups
(little chocolate cups filled with peanut butter, for those of you unaware of the glory)

Ingredients:
1 tub chocolate frosting
1 jar peanut butter, crunchy

Using a teaspoon, remove 1/2 teaspoon of chocolate frosting from the tub.
Using the same teaspoon now containing the frosting, remove 1/2 teaspoon of peanut butter from the jar.
Serve directly into mouth. Swirl if desired.
Repeat until suffused with the joy and wonder of life / insulin shock sets in.

2. Another blog about candy
(much more about candy than mine is, to be honest)

Richard, The Bewildered Brit, is a British expat living in the USA. He writes about the history of various candies, both famous and obscure, and includes reviews for your gustatory information! It went on my reading list because I like to hear other non-US born viewpoints on this place, because I like learning about things (in short bursts appropriate to my attention span), and (duh) because it's about one of my favorite things (candy, duh). I also imagine the blog's voice as a posh, Jeeves-like accent, which always makes things more enjoyable.

So in summation, you should read The Bewildered Brit, but only if it doesn't interfere with paying attention to me!

Clearly, no one could be a more appropriate candidate for the Sweet Blogger Award.

Lazy Ass Cooking (recipe included).

I randomly came up with this idea for a hybrid mac & cheese / veggie bake and it turned out rather well so I thought I'd share the recipe with you. It's really easy even for me who is a bit crap at cooking, and can be modified depending on your tastes (except if you hate cheese, then you're pretty much out of luck).

Ingredients:
12oz (340g) box of spiral pasta
or "salad twirls" as they are fancily called here. I used the "rainbow' kind (where some are orangey and some are green) to add interest.

about 8 mushrooms, sliced
you can use different veggies like maybe broccoli, peas or whatever if you prefer. Chunks of cooked chicken or little bits of ham or bacon would also work well, I think.

1 clove garlic, minced
or finely chopped if your mincer got broken and you haven't bought a new one yet because they are all like fifteen dollars and what the eff?

1 nice tomato
I bought a vine-ripened one specially because they actually have flavor unlike their pale multi-pack cousins.

1 small jar four-cheese alfredo pasta sauce

1 metric ton* grated cheese
*Not really. 2 or 3 large handfuls should do.

Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 350º F (or whatever it is in Celsius if you are not American. Google it, okay?)

Cook the spiral pasta until just a bit chewy - slightly less done than al dente - drain in a colander when it's done.

While the pasta is cooking, sautée the mushrooms and garlic with a bit of oil, until the mushrooms are not raw any more, but not quite done. Chop the tomato into large chunks and chuck it in with the mushrooms at the end so the tomato mixes in and gets a little bit heated. (if you are doing different veggies, just cook them until they're almost done. I feel like I chucked in some basil or possibly oregano flakes at this point but not sure. You may enjoy pepper or other spices.)

Mix the veggies in with the drained pasta in the pasta pot. Add the alfredo sauce and a big handful of grated cheese. I guess it'd be like a half cup or maybe a bit less, I have little hands.

Put a bit of water in the bottom of a ceramic lasagna dish / pan thingy. Pour the pasta mix into the dish and spread it out evenly. I also filled the empty alfredo sauce jar about a third full with water and swished it to around to mix with the sauce left in the jar, then added that to the dish and mixed it all in; you get all the sauce and the water helps it to not dry out when baking.

Then cover the lot with a bunch of grated cheese. Make it not totally covered, so you can still see some bits of pasta poking out; that way they will get crispy & make nice texture.

Bake it in the oven for about 40 minutes or until the cheese on top is perfectly golden brown.

It serves 4 or two really hungry people.


I find I really can't be arsed cooking anything complicated on weeknights so I will probably make this a lot from now on. Do you have any similarly easy (hopefully vegetarian) dishes in your repertoire?

Bite Size: Just give me the chicken and no one gets hurt.

Y'all, I almost mugged an old lady on the bus the other day for her bucket of Kentucky Grilled Chicken.

In all likelihood it's as dire as their regular fried chicken, but damn it smelled good.

Go buy them NOW.

Americans, prepare to have your taste buds competely ruined for every other cookie.

Pepperidge Farm is selling Tim Tams. But apparently they'll only be available until March so I suggest you go to the supermarket or Target (where the dark chocolate version is exclusively available - if you are a freak who prefers dark chocolate) right now and pick up a packet.

Right now!

Eff you, Nabisco.

Fig Newtons are a rectangular cookie (or biscuit for non-American readers) made by Nabisco. They recently redesigned the packaging for Fig Newtons. In the old plastic wrap packet, you simply opened one end and out came the Newtons. The new packet is made of some kind of thin foil and is resealable.

This is great for freshness, partially because of the foil, but mainly because you cannot get the damn cookies out of the packet, because the resealable lip covers a good portion of one side of the cookies (see fig. 1).

To make matters worse, the Fig Newtons are packed in like sardines, so you can't grip around the cookie to pull it out, and they also have a tendency to crumble, so your only option is to destroy the corners on a few until you have created enough space around one to pull it out.

Eff you, Nabisco.

*****
In other news, I have been awarded the Slippers of Glory by the delightful sas. She is one of many saucy redheads to be found in the blogosphere, but she is also a Kiwi living in London; it is quite lovely to read of another Antipodean expat's exploits!

Thanks, sas!

Over To You: Eat Your Feelings?

Whenever I eat Fritos (original flavor, curl-shaped, not scoops), it makes me happy because it reminds me of this time Husband and I had a lovely picnic lunch on a deserted Maryland beach.

Whenever I drink Dr Pepper, it makes me nostalgic because it reminds me of my uncle keeping a cooler-full for me during my childhood visits to the US.

What about you guys? Replace the bold text with your own food/drink emotional memories in the comments.

"May that ill-gotten doughnut be forever on your head!"

According to this article on The Scavenger, Psycho Donuts, a “mental-illness themed” doughnut shop in California, has upset various mental health activists & professionals with such apparently offensive treats as The Bipolar (topped with half nuts, half coconut shavings) and Massive Head Trauma (red jelly filling oozes from the side). The Scavenger says “The store itself comes with nurses, a padded cell and "group therapy" area.”

I’m not one of those people who are all like “Pshaw, Political Correctness police just want to take the fun out of life.*” In fact I’m more than likely to be offended on behalf of other people.

But I’m with the doughnut shop on this one. Okay, maybe it’s kind of tacky, but c’mon. It’s obviously tongue-in-cheek. I’ve been close to people with mental illnesses. I know it can be devastating and is often misunderstood. These doughnuts still make me laugh. Plus, I think having a sense of humor is a huge coping mechanism, and there are some things in life that you have to laugh at or you’ll never stop crying**.

One of the protesters argues "Imagine a shop that made fun of cancer; it wouldn't be funny."

Well, no, I guess it wouldn’t. But that’s why nobody has tried to start a cancer doughnut shop. People find some things funny and others not so much. There are lines that can be crossed or bent and some that can’t. I think figuring out the difference is all part of being a person and being part of society.

What do you guys think?



*Those people may be the subject of a future post though, because grrr.

**Also, they look delicious (did you see those photos?).

What’s your flavor?

If there was an ice cream flavor based on my personality*, it would be Soda & Candy Sundae: strawberry ice cream with a ribbon of strawberry flavored pop rocks.

And maybe some glitter.

It still wouldn’t be my favorite flavor though, because that is Caramel Caribou – creamy vanilla ice cream with a caramel ribbon and tiny little caramel filled chocolate cups. It makes me wiggle my toes in happiness when I eat it.

What would your personality ice cream flavor be?

What about your favorite flavor?

*Inspired by this post about Ben & Jerry's flavors over at Candy’s Daily Dandy.

Mad Blogs III: Mad Cooking Skills

You guys.

You guys are all such geniuses that I almost couldn't pick a winner. Then I picked one, and then I thought, maybe I should pick someone else, because this person has such an amazingly happy thing happening for them right now that they probably don't even care that much about blog awards (I know, right? Sacrilege.) but then I thought you know what? She made me laugh.

So Cora, even though you're in the process of falling madly in love with our fellow blogger Scope and probably couldn't give two *hoots*, you still win this Sweet Blogger Award!


Congratulations and here is your winning entry!
________________

Hark! Who goes there?! Welcome to Mad Cooking!

Today, we're going to make a really skanky soup that everyone will love. Why, I made this for my evil step-mother, and she left me 22.829117 Russian Roubles in her will!

First, choose a nice piece of lemming. I find that the ass is especially tender.
Dice up and fry the meat, with 69 ounces of butter, in a large frying pan until well browned.

In a large stew pot, bring 666 liters of chicken stock to the boil and simmer. Take 3 cucumbers - making sure they're sweaty! - and chop into small pieces, then add to the stock.

Next, oddly chop up some palm tree and corn, and add to the soup.

Add the meat, simmer for 12 seconds and serve at -19 degrees.

"THIS is American Idol!"! If that doesn't make your dinner guests morose, I don't know what will!
____________________

And just for kicks, here's the blank version so you can see how awesome everyone else was (open the comments pop-up from the entry post and fill in the blanks as you read.)



Greeting! Welcome to Mad Cooking!

Today, we're going to make a really adjective soup that everyone will love. Why, I made this for my female relative, and she left me number unit of currency in her will!

First, choose a nice piece of animal. I find that the body part is especially tender.
Dice up and fry the meat, with number ounces of butter, in a large frying pan until well browned.

In a large stew pot, bring number liters of chicken stock to the boil and simmer. Take 3 vegetables - making sure they're adjective! - and chop into small pieces, then add to the stock.

Next, adverb ending in -ly chop up some plant and vegetable, and add to the soup.

Add the meat, simmer for length of time and serve at temperature.

Exclamation! If that doesn't make your dinner guests emotional state, I don't know what will!

I'm totally doing it for the environment.

They stopped purchasing the large size styrofoam cups at work*, so I have been using the same one for about three weeks now.

It has nasty elderly soda-stains in it (and is all scratched & chewed**), but I can't get rid of it, because the alternatives are:

Drink my soda at room temperature: UNACCEPTABLE.

Violently jam giant ice-cubes through the tiny hole in the top of the can: IMPOSSIBLE.

Buy chilled, gouge-a-riffic, non-generic soda from the soda machine: UNACCEPTABLE.

Drink tiny fairy-portions of soda from the water-cooler cups: UNACCEPTABLE.


I'm pretty sure this cup is giving me tuberculosis.



*Yet another thing to blame the economy for.

** S&C, why is your styrofoam cup all chewed and bitten at the top? Shut up, that's why.

Ode to a Creme Egg

With Easter just around the corner, it seemed only right to create a tribute to this universally loved seasonal treat.

Dear beloved Creme Egg,
How I love your chocolate shell
Smooth and etched with a pretty design
And perfect in taste as well

Your chocolate is from Cadbury's
Milky and superb
Hersheys just can't measure up
So I kick it to the kerb

Your flowing center like egg white
Except much more delicious
As it dribbles down my chin
Who cares you're not nutritious?

I love to eat you slowly
Overdosing on the choc
Smiling as it sends me into
Diabetic shock

And despite how much I love you
I'm glad you're here a short time
A large round shape looks good on you
But for my body, I prefer mine.
























[Original artwork by Soda & Candy using existing Creme Egg image]

(Sort of) TMI Thursday: Double Poop Sandwich.

Calm down, it's not what you're thinking.


As I was making myself a sandwich the other morning, two things occurred to me:

1. My dad once told me that when he was a nurse, they taught him that healthy baby poop is the color and consistency of (presumably smooth) peanut butter. To this day he cannot eat peanut butter.

2. The squeezy bottle of grape jelly looks like it is making little grapey poops when you squeeze it onto the bread.

PB&J will from this day forth forever be rendered in my mind (and now yours) as a double poop sandwich.

You're welcome.

booooooooooo.

ever been so hungry you thought you might vomit? no? just me then.

i feel like i eat all the time and yet somehow my tummy is always grumbling. and when i say i eat all the time i mean it - i have a mid morning snack and an afternoon snack as well as the usual 3 meals. i sometimes even need a snack as soon as I get home from work, even though i make dinner right away.

back in college i had the metabolism of a freaking hummingbird and i was skinny as hell. i still feel hungry all the time, and i don't feel like i'm eating more than before, but i have a round little belly where there was no such thing before. back in the day, all i had to do was lay off the mayonnaise for a couple of months and the weight would start dropping off. these days, things are not the same.

it's gotten worse in the last couple of years as i slide down the slippery slope to thirty, my metabolism slowing down and my early-onset old-lady attributes (deafness, forgetfulness, crotchetiness) increasing exponentially.

bloody hell.

Can We Talk About: Homesickness.

I don't actually get homesick that much but when I do it's like being stabbed in the guts. It's sharp and painful.

Things I miss (starting, appropriately enough, with soda and candy):

Schweppes Lemonade. Lemonade in Australia is not what Americans refer to as lemonade. It's basically Sprite or any similar beverage, like Seven-Up (Schweppes is just my favorite brand of this type of soda; it's not as syrupy-sweet as Sprite).
It irritates me that there is no generic name for this soda flavor here in the US.
What you call lemonade in the US doesn't really exist in Australia. I guess Aussies would call it homemade lemonade.
On a related note, what you call soda, we call soft drink.

Milko lollies. Lollies are what you guys call candy. Milkos are delicious chewy lollies that taste sort of like vanilla milkshake. There are also tongue-staining red raspberry-flavored ones called Redskins. They used to have a charming picture of a Native American gentleman on the wrapper but I'm pretty sure he's gone now, even though they haven't renamed them*.

Toffee Apple bars. We call candy apples toffee apples. Toffee Apple bars are a red & green striped bar of chewy candy . The red part sort of tastes like the candy coating of a candy apple, and the green part sort of tastes like apple flavor, but the whole thing tastes excitingly of insulin shock.

Also, they don't even have caramel apples in Australia, to the country's devastating detriment. Thick gooey sweet caramel surrounding a crispy, tart green apple is one of life's great pleasures.

*Shut up, they're not our native people. And you named a football team after them. Shame on you.