numer darowizny: SRTF/067/SWD .
4 months ago
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Original Drafts XII
This one was suggested by Mr. & Candy, who has been listening to a lot of old music lately.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Over to You: Hump Day Positivity
First off, get your minds out of the gutter - Wednesday is called Hump Day because it's the middle of the week. It has nothing to do with when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much*.
In the interest of putting some positivity** into the blogosphere, I want you to tell me what you think is good about you as a blogger.
The rules: It has to be 100% positive. I don't want to hear any qualifiers, like "I'm funny, but not as funny as..." or "I'm so crappy it has to be entertaining". I want to know what you think is good about your blogging. If it's a particular post, please provide a link in your comment.
Everyone who participates will win this awesome award of awesomeness:
Maybe you use your bloggerly influence to try to save a sweet little pup like Miss Yvonne. Maybe you can guess all my Original Drafts without checking the hovertext like BeckEye. Maybe if I do too many more of those there won't be anything left for y'all to comment.
*Whereas Friday is called POETS Day (Piss Off Early, Tomorrow's Saturday).***
**I will not call it "positive energy". Hippies.
***Yes, I accidentally posted this Tuesday night instead of scheduling it for Wednesday. But guess what, it's probably Wednesday already in Australia, so shut up.
In the interest of putting some positivity** into the blogosphere, I want you to tell me what you think is good about you as a blogger.
The rules: It has to be 100% positive. I don't want to hear any qualifiers, like "I'm funny, but not as funny as..." or "I'm so crappy it has to be entertaining". I want to know what you think is good about your blogging. If it's a particular post, please provide a link in your comment.
Everyone who participates will win this awesome award of awesomeness:
Maybe you use your bloggerly influence to try to save a sweet little pup like Miss Yvonne. Maybe you can guess all my Original Drafts without checking the hovertext like BeckEye. Maybe if I do too many more of those there won't be anything left for y'all to comment.
*Whereas Friday is called POETS Day (Piss Off Early, Tomorrow's Saturday).***
**I will not call it "positive energy". Hippies.
***Yes, I accidentally posted this Tuesday night instead of scheduling it for Wednesday. But guess what, it's probably Wednesday already in Australia, so shut up.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Free Carlos!!! I'll give you candy! Guaranteed.*
Join me, won't you, in the campaign to save this adorable beagle basset hound (duh, S&C) and his freakishly stumpy legs?
Fantastic lady blogger, Miss Yvonne, wants nothing more than to save his droopy little punim from certain clinical depression by adopting him into the squishy bosom of her family, but Captain Carl, her (I assume) ruggedly handsome sea-captain husband, is resisting (boo hiss), so Miss Yvonne needs all the bloggerly help she can get to bring Carlos Spicy Wiener home for Christmas, I mean New Year's. (There is already an official badge, but you know me, I like to do my own art)
So get over there and join the campaign!!!
*Not a guarantee.
Fantastic lady blogger, Miss Yvonne, wants nothing more than to save his droopy little punim from certain clinical depression by adopting him into the squishy bosom of her family, but Captain Carl, her (I assume) ruggedly handsome sea-captain husband, is resisting (boo hiss), so Miss Yvonne needs all the bloggerly help she can get to bring Carlos Spicy Wiener home for Christmas, I mean New Year's. (There is already an official badge, but you know me, I like to do my own art)
So get over there and join the campaign!!!
*Not a guarantee.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Over to You, Ladies: A Question of Etiquette
Dear Ladies of the blogosphere,
When a gentleman holds a door for you to allow you to go through ahead of him, do you
a) hold in the fart until you are far enough away to let out the daintiest rose-scented pfft and still keep your admittedly shaky reputation as a lady?
or
b) let one rip in his face in an implied threat to the patriarchy as you strut past?
When a gentleman holds a door for you to allow you to go through ahead of him, do you
a) hold in the fart until you are far enough away to let out the daintiest rose-scented pfft and still keep your admittedly shaky reputation as a lady?
or
b) let one rip in his face in an implied threat to the patriarchy as you strut past?
Friday, December 25, 2009
Mad Blogs VII: Mad Style
Merry Day Off, everyone!
In the spirit of the holiday season, and to heap guilt upon those who didn't participate, I declare each and every entry in the latest Mad Blogs a winner! You all get a super special Christmas colored Sweet Blogger Award.
Here are all the entries, reproduced in the order in which they commented.
Feel free to praise your favorites in the comments!
****
HUNTER
Bangkok Fashion Week is the dumbest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be quickly strutting their stuff in looks by the most smelly designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at those fabulous sequined crotchless panties. And those darling little hats shaped like bitches!
That Gimp Mask is hand beaded with 10,000 Swarovski crystals. It took centuries to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the nipple. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from wombat hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little platypuses.
****
SIMON
Bath Fashion Week is the unlikeliest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be voraciously strutting their stuff in looks by the most inflexible designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined gingham dress. And those darling little hats shaped like potatoes!
That bowler hat is hand beaded with one hundred and eighty-three Swarovski crystals. It took twenty-seven years and nine months to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the pancreas. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from rhinoceros hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little aardvarks.
****
CORA
Seattle Fashion Week is the skankiest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be rudely strutting their stuff in looks by the most bulging designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined thong. And those darling little hats shaped like marbles!
That trench coat is hand beaded with 101 Swarovski crystals. It took 2 minutes to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the thumb. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from whale hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little chipmunks.
****
MORGAN THE MUSE
Des Moines, Iowa (pronounced DEE Moyn) Fashion Week is the scrapiest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be deadly strutting their stuff in looks by the most theft-proof designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined dead animal. And those darling little hats shaped like octopodes!
That unitard is hand beaded with 42 Swarovski crystals. It took an epoch to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the right index finger. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from unicorn hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little elephants.
****
SCOPE
Mudfork, West Virginia Fashion Week is the a$$-backwardest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be bubbly strutting their stuff in looks by the most gnarled designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined corset. And those darling little hats shaped like footballs!
Those fishnet stockings are hand beaded with 12 Swarovski crystals. It took a fortnight to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the big toe. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from moose hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little geese.
****
MO.STONESKIN
Berlin Fashion Week is the Frenchest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be extremely strutting their stuff in looks by the most yellow designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined fingerless glove. And those darling little hats shaped like hamsters!
That slipper is hand beaded with 7 Swarovski crystals. It took 40 seconds to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the bum. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from giraffe hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little lemurs.
****
BECKEYE
Poughkeepsie Fashion Week is the surliest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be beautifully strutting their stuff in looks by the most ridiculous designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined bra. And those darling little hats shaped like monsters!
That dickey is hand beaded with 300 Swarovski crystals. It took 3 weeks to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the index finger. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from cheetah hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little eels.
****
and last but not least,
WORDS... WORDS... WORDS...
Intercourse, PA Fashion Week is the soggiest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be superciliously strutting their stuff in looks by the most stanky designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined ascot. And those darling little hats shaped like pineapples!
That dickie is hand beaded with 19 Swarovski crystals. It took seventeen minutes to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the earlobe. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from polar bear hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little cicadas.
In the spirit of the holiday season, and to heap guilt upon those who didn't participate, I declare each and every entry in the latest Mad Blogs a winner! You all get a super special Christmas colored Sweet Blogger Award.
Here are all the entries, reproduced in the order in which they commented.
Feel free to praise your favorites in the comments!
****
HUNTER
Bangkok Fashion Week is the dumbest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be quickly strutting their stuff in looks by the most smelly designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at those fabulous sequined crotchless panties. And those darling little hats shaped like bitches!
That Gimp Mask is hand beaded with 10,000 Swarovski crystals. It took centuries to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the nipple. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from wombat hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little platypuses.
****
SIMON
Bath Fashion Week is the unlikeliest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be voraciously strutting their stuff in looks by the most inflexible designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined gingham dress. And those darling little hats shaped like potatoes!
That bowler hat is hand beaded with one hundred and eighty-three Swarovski crystals. It took twenty-seven years and nine months to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the pancreas. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from rhinoceros hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little aardvarks.
****
CORA
Seattle Fashion Week is the skankiest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be rudely strutting their stuff in looks by the most bulging designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined thong. And those darling little hats shaped like marbles!
That trench coat is hand beaded with 101 Swarovski crystals. It took 2 minutes to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the thumb. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from whale hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little chipmunks.
****
MORGAN THE MUSE
Des Moines, Iowa (pronounced DEE Moyn) Fashion Week is the scrapiest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be deadly strutting their stuff in looks by the most theft-proof designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined dead animal. And those darling little hats shaped like octopodes!
That unitard is hand beaded with 42 Swarovski crystals. It took an epoch to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the right index finger. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from unicorn hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little elephants.
****
SCOPE
Mudfork, West Virginia Fashion Week is the a$$-backwardest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be bubbly strutting their stuff in looks by the most gnarled designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined corset. And those darling little hats shaped like footballs!
Those fishnet stockings are hand beaded with 12 Swarovski crystals. It took a fortnight to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the big toe. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from moose hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little geese.
****
MO.STONESKIN
Berlin Fashion Week is the Frenchest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be extremely strutting their stuff in looks by the most yellow designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined fingerless glove. And those darling little hats shaped like hamsters!
That slipper is hand beaded with 7 Swarovski crystals. It took 40 seconds to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the bum. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from giraffe hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little lemurs.
****
BECKEYE
Poughkeepsie Fashion Week is the surliest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be beautifully strutting their stuff in looks by the most ridiculous designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined bra. And those darling little hats shaped like monsters!
That dickey is hand beaded with 300 Swarovski crystals. It took 3 weeks to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the index finger. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from cheetah hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little eels.
****
and last but not least,
WORDS... WORDS... WORDS...
Intercourse, PA Fashion Week is the soggiest new event on the fashion calendar.
Gorgeous models will be superciliously strutting their stuff in looks by the most stanky designers.
The first runway show is starting! Just look at that fabulous sequined ascot. And those darling little hats shaped like pineapples!
That dickie is hand beaded with 19 Swarovski crystals. It took seventeen minutes to sew them all on!
The designer told me that this season, it's all about the earlobe. All the outfits are designed to emphasize it as much as possible (and, the entire collection is knitted from polar bear hair, can you believe it?
See you at the next show, my little cicadas.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
I'm dreaming of a blood-red Christmas... wait, what?
There's still time to enter my Mad Blogs competition, but I have to put this post up before Christmas while it's still relevant...
So I was just thinking about the difference between American Christmas and Aussie Christmas.
As I remarked on Simon's blog, when he was sent an Aussie Christmas card,
Awww, an Aussie Christmas.
You just want to eat nice cold leg ham, prawns and salad because it's so effing hot, but you have to also have a turkey and a lead-weight pudding because it's just not Christmas without inappropriately hot European foods.
Christmas in the Southern hemisphere, of course, is in the middle of summer, and in Australia, it is quite often the high point of bushfire season*.
One year the bushfires were particularly bad and their effects were noticeable even far away in the city. We ate Christmas lunch under a blood-red sun which hung sullenly in the grey, ash-choked sky. The wind carried little flakes of ash that fluttered onto our plates, disintegrating at the touch.
It was like gathering at the end of the world.
*Similar to wildfires in California. In fact, the increase in wildfires in California in recent years has been attributed by some to the popularity of eucalyptus or gum trees (native to Australia) which are chock full of eucalyptus oil and therefore extremely flammable. I don't know if this is true or not, but it sounds about right.
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