Outrageous.

I got an award!!!
Thanks Cora (or should I say Mrs. Scope)!!! You are a lovely lady and I am so glad you fell headlong into love and that you share about it on your blog!



Of course nothing in this world comes for free so here are the strings that were attached to this one:

•Express gratitude to the blogger who bestowed the award unto you. Done.
•Display the picture on your blog proudly. Done.
•Be nice and provide a link to the person who gave it to you. See above.
•Tell up to 6 outrageous lies about yourself, and at least 1 outrageous truth, or switch it around and tell 6 outrageous truths and 1 outrageous lie. See below.
•Nominate 7 creative writers who might be into doing this. You're not the boss of me! Plus, I like having blogger friends, and most of them have either already been tagged for this or hate doing it, so nuts to that.
•Post links to the seven blogs you nominate and let the owners of those blogs know. See above.


Oh God, where to begin? Here is something (non-outrageous) that is true about me: I lead a rather unexciting life. Here is another fact about me: although I am a dreadful comment whore, I don't always give my fellow bloggers as much comment love as I should. So in light of these facts, I have decided to make my list all about other bloggers.
So here are outrageous truths about some of* my fellow bloggers. Can you guess who they are? If not, click on the links and you will be magically transported to their blogs!

1. I met my husband when he left a comment on my blog (okay, this one was kind of a gimme).

2. I was once given a hat by Samuel L Jackson.

3. We are a group of girls with our religion in common. We talk about it extensively on our blog... and it's funny and charming and interesting!

4. I used my grandmother as an antenna. And that's not the most outrageous thing about me, just the cleanest.

5. I'm an accomplished artist well versed in classical art and history... from the same state as George W. Bush.


Gah! I only came up with five! Oh well, don't feel bad if you didn't make this list, just let me know your reason why you should be on it in the comments! (Or do a post about it, but don't forget to let me know about it!) I may even update my post if I think you're outrageous enough.



*"Some of", in this case, being the ones about whom I could recall something that I legitimately regard as outrageous.

Over to You: Hump Day Positivity

First off, get your minds out of the gutter - Wednesday is called Hump Day because it's the middle of the week. It has nothing to do with when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much*.
In the interest of putting some positivity** into the blogosphere, I want you to tell me what you think is good about you as a blogger.

The rules: It has to be 100% positive. I don't want to hear any qualifiers, like "I'm funny, but not as funny as..." or "I'm so crappy it has to be entertaining". I want to know what you think is good about your blogging. If it's a particular post, please provide a link in your comment.

Everyone who participates will win this awesome award of awesomeness:



Maybe you use your bloggerly influence to try to save a sweet little pup like Miss Yvonne. Maybe you can guess all my Original Drafts without checking the hovertext like BeckEye. Maybe if I do too many more of those there won't be anything left for y'all to comment.


*Whereas Friday is called POETS Day (Piss Off Early, Tomorrow's Saturday).***

**I will not call it "positive energy". Hippies.

***Yes, I accidentally posted this Tuesday night instead of scheduling it for Wednesday. But guess what, it's probably Wednesday already in Australia, so shut up.

Will to blog.

With apologies to Indexed.

Little Cat is a stray foundling, scorned by her mother and sister. She is a tortoiseshell or "calico" cat, black and ginger mixed thoroughly. She basically looks like a ginger cat that's been up a chimney. Adorable of course!

The Blogisferia Chronicles: Chapter the Seventh

Please note - all Chronicles are stand-alones, you don't have to read any previous chapters to know what's going on.

Indulge me on this one, it's long but heartfelt.

Previous Chapters:
Chapter the First
Chapter the Second
Chapter the Third
Chapter the Fourth
Chapter the Fifth
Chapter the Sixth
*************************************

The Candysoda Tavern was cool & dark, even in the middle of the day. Princess Soda was sitting at the bar, grimly chugging drink after pink frothy drink and demanding more with a small fist slammed into the scarred wood of the bar-top. She glared belligerently around her and muttered foul imprecations under her breath.

A few stools down, Tennyson ee Hemingway the philosopher, in a battered leather hat with a band made of crocodile teeth, was nibbling thoughtfully on a huge slice of pavlova. He turned to the man next to him and said "Strewth Mo, what is the Princess doing in here? I didn't think she was a drinker!"

Mo was a dapper English fellow with a small sticky person in an orange & pink striped onesie clambering about his person. He replied "I only come in on Mo-days, but I heard she's been in here constantly the past few days and has to be carried out at closing time... The odd thing is, those are Shirley Temples she's shotgunning." Having imparted this wisdom, Mo sagely sipped his pint and returned to his favorite task of observing the colorful parade of people passing by the tavern.

Suddenly, down at the end of the bar, there was a puff of smoke and a loud bang. Mjenks the alchemist sat behind the now charred and smoking bar, a maniacal grin on his face. As the smoke cleared, he turned to the curvaceous redhead at his side and murmured "Vix a te videor posse tenere manus!"

Everyone politely averted their eyes from what occurred next.

As a lucky distraction, a commotion occurred that very minute. Outside the tavern, an oddly charming three-wheeled vehicle staggered to a halt in a sputtering cloud of fumes. An elderly gentleman with an impressive beard alighted and shuffled in to sit at the bar.

"You!" shouted the Princess, looking daggers at the old man. "She is lost to us because of you, Simon! Princess Teacup is gone because of your carelessness!" Princess Soda jumped down from the bar-stool, clenching her fists and stamping a tiny foot against the dark hardwood floor.

"I know," sobbed Simon. "And she was the most profitable, er, I mean sweetest, of my myriad illegitimate daughters as well."

Upon seeing his genuine grief, Princess Soda's rage evaporated. She and Simon embraced, and toasted to their dear lost Princess Teacup with huge foamy steins of Byron Bay lemonade.

And to make up for her ill humor, the Princess ordered a giant platter of Tim Tams for everyone in the bar.

*************************************
Tennyson, mo.stoneskin, INdefatigable mjenks & Simon: please accept this fine shield as proof of your Chroniclage.
Teacup my dear, I know you've quit blogging, but please continue to drop in here whenever you want.

Gettin' all Pollyanna up in this piece.

They say when you point the finger at someone else, three fingers are pointing right back at you. Kind of a physical manifestation of judge not, lest ye be judged, or do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I don't enjoy conflict, drama or negativity, so I'm going to make sure I'm not part of bringing those things into the blogosphere from here on in*. There are ample opportunities to experience horribleness in real life, let's keep it out of here!

I just want this blog to be a happy place where everyone feels safe and I can talk with my friends.

So how are you guys going? What would you like to drink? Here, have some lamingtons.


*Snark doesn't count. So don't be afraid to talk smack about celebrities or whatever!

My blog is illin', yo.

The lovely Gwen recently held a competition to design her an award based on this picture:


And guess who won?

That's right, me!!! You should go look at all of the other entries too - they were freaking hilarious.

This was my winning entry:
And Gwen was kind enough to bestow the award upon me for designing it for her!!!! See, there it is in my sidebar! I shall treasure it forevs.

I made something pretty! (updated)

So remember when I said I would create an award for G Henry's word verification game?

Well he announced the winner (international man of mystery Cooper Green) and posted my fishy little award for all to see!

UPDATE:
Not only that, but Cooper very kindly declared that he nominated me for my own Straight Pimpin' Award since it was through my pimping efforts that he found G Henry's blog, Goldfish Broth, in the first place.

I was stupidly confused at first and thought he meant he was nominating me for the award I had designed for G Henry.

It's a good thing I'm pretty.

UPDATE UPDATE:
Somehow in the confusion I managed to coerce poor Cooper into creating a delicious response to my Big Fish Award, both are now happily ensconced in my sidebar!

Bo-ring. Do another one about funny Aussie words!

I sometimes think about the secret inner life of humans, and bloggers in particular.

We share our most intimate and true thoughts, feelings and experiences with each other, and yet for the most part we don't really know each other at all.

Anyone walking down the street could be a blogger. Not just that but a blogger you've read. The chick who just sold you your venti Americano could be the most hilarious writer you'll ever read. The guy who fixes your computer could be a sweet, romantic soul. That soccer mom who jogs around your block every morning could be sharing the saucy details of her sex life or exploiting her children for humorous purposes. The dude you just bought stamps from might be a skilled photographer or a talented poet.

On the other side of the coin, you will be aware of the physical appearance of some bloggers whereas others prefer to keep their real identity extremely secret. Sometimes you will have been reading a blog for some time, and have formed a mental image of the person based on their writing - only to find out when they post a photo that your assumptions were startlingly inaccurate.

You cannot know what is in someone's soul on first acquaintance. As much as I love judging people*, being involved in blogging reminds me to be less judgmental of my fellow humans, because I have been invited inside people's private thoughts and been surprised at the depth and complexity of so many of you. Not to mention your intelligence and capacity to make me laugh (and cry, and sigh).

What's the point of this story? You guys rock. And don't let the real world tell you any different, because they don't know you like I do.


*It's kind of a hobby.

Something fishy and fun

You guys, you have to go to Goldfish Broth right now! and play the word verification definition game.

I know it's been done before, but it's always so much fun!!! Plus, read his own post of w/v definitions before you go and you will realize just how high a standard you will be held to in G. Henry's arena. Anyone who uses the word paucity correctly in a blog post deserves as many readers as can be shepherded his way.

...Again with the pimping?

Yes. Because even though there's a high likelihood that pointing my readers towards blogs which are infinitely funnier than mine will only result in an even sadder comment count for me, I must share this with you.

That's how much of a saint I am.

UPDATE: It's official, I'm going to be designing an award for the winner!!!

Entry into Heaven = guaranteed *dusts hands off smugly*.

I win! I win!

So y'all remember that I won a prize from my blog homeboy Joshlos.

Well he made an awesome post about sending it, and it has arrived at Candysoda Castle, so I thought I'd post about it too just to make y'all jealous!

Here is a photo of my delicious bounty along with a note from Jam Master Josh himself (click to embiggen):

3x king size Snickers Almond bars, which were 2 piece at the start of their journey but as you can see having encountered what must be at least 150º Fahrenheit* on arrival in the dirty dirty** arrived in pulpy, almost-liquid form.
Thankfully they reconstituted quite well - although it takes 20 minutes to unwrap one - and taste like heaven.

2x 14 ounce bags of Skittles, which due to my unfamiliarity with your crazy imperial system I keep referring to as 14 pound bags. I took a bag to the office and now everyone keeps coming to visit me and my bowl of Skittles.
Lesson? Sugar = popularity.

AND Josh made me an award. Which I heart bigtime (and only adjusted the colors a little to fit my bloggy decor):




*As far as I know I'm not exaggerating... am still getting the hang of Fahrenheit, but it is bloody boiling here.

**I'm pretty much a hardcore gangsta. For those of you who aren't, the dirty dirty = Southern states of the USA.

Caring, sharing, and... insults?

It's Caring & Sharing Week here in Soda and Candy Land! Because I've been feeling the bloggy love, my posts this week will be tied somehow to the theme of caring and/or sharing*.

To kick things off, because I care about y'all, I'm going to share with you a blog I just discovered!

Are you sick of using the same old insults on your exasperating ex, flaky friends and cretinous co-workers? Then head over to Insults for some fresh ammo! You can submit your own favorite insults for inclusion as well - I've provided some true-blue Aussie insults here, here, here and here (although I take no responsibility for the emotional damage caused by the pictures Insults chose to accompany them!)


*Until I run out of caring/sharing material and/or tenuous links to same**.

**Also, just ignore the fact that the week started well before this post.

The drought recedes as quickly as it arrived.

Okay so you guys are the best.

Oddly enough I randomly came up with a few ideas for future posts that had nothing to do with anyone's comments, but I know you all did it for the glory, so here is the list of winners, which I basically decided not on the quality of your comments (because they were all awesome, even the unhelpful ones) or even the quality of the ideas therein (I think memes are a good idea, but I'm not feeling them for this blog right now), but of their usefulness to me in particular:

TishTash - for sucking up and giving me a plotline idea - your chapter is coming up next.

thechrlog - for apparently believing I could write a novel. It got me thinking about doing more creative writing. Or are you just trying to say my posts are too long?

joshlos - because you put your hand up to be in the Chronicles. Although I'll have to think about the kung-fu angle.

Eric
Tennyson
Well Fed Graphic Designer
mo.stoneskin
Cora
- because (like all women) I'm a sucker for compliments.





Oh yeah and the offer to Chronicle anyone in my sidebar (because if you're not there, chances are I don't know you well enough to write you a character) still stands, but I think I need you to put your hand up for it. So please volunteer at any time.

UPDATED: Blog malaise is the new swine flu (with a side of Over to You).

You guys, I think I have a touch of the blog burnout that's been going around.

I still want to write, and I still like reading other people's blogs... I'm just feeling like I'm off my game a bit. I can't think of any witty comments even when I really like a post (or even particularly witty replies to y'alls comments here), and I've no ideas stored up for my own future posts...

I usually have two or three drafts up my sleeve, and I've nothing!

Help me, blogosphere! What would you like to read on this delicious sugary pink blog of mine?

Should I do more odes?

More Soda Fountain of Knowledge (language or culture)?

More Blogisferia Chronicles? Is there anyone whose blog is in my reader list brave enough to put their hand up to be in the next Chronicle?

Or is there something I haven't written about that you want me to? Current events perhaps, or nano-celebrities like Jon & Kate Plus Eight Minus Jon?

Comments please!!! Oh yeah and the best (i.e. most helpful) comment wins a Sweet Blogger Award!!


That's right. I'm not above bribery.

UPDATE: also, crap. I was adding the well-fed graphic designer to my blog list and accidentally removed someone else, and I've no idea who it was. Can anyone tell who's missing over there?

Redact This.

Don't you hate it when bloggers write those posts that are all mysterious because they want to complain about something that's going on in their real life, but they can't give any details, because they don't want to give up their sweet precious anonymity*?

It's like the blogger's emotions are soldiers writing home to Ma, but the blogger's brain is the army, intercepting their letters and removing any potentially damaging information:



*Which is not to say that I don't understand why people do it. Or that I won't ever write such a post.

Mmmm, shoes.

I wrote and deleted was going to write a long, whiny, self-indulgent post, sulking & pouting because hardly anyone is commenting on any of my posts these days...

...but then I got some new shoes and I thought y'all might enjoy that more, so here is a photo!
Awesome, right? I feel about seven feet tall in them.

News from Candysoda Castle...

Having been accused of completely hallucinating the first chapter of The Blogisferia Chronicles, I've made an adjustment: from now on, references to posts by the featured bloggers have been linked where possible. I hope this helps you to understand how much of a genius I am.

In addition, I have also designed the freaking awesome Candysoda coat of arms, which ought to be proudly displayed by those featured in The Blogisferia Chronicles.

Wordsx3 and Me, Amplified, please take yours now!



Everyone else who is in my sidebar can expect to be featured one day, (unless you explicitly state to me in the comments of this post that you do not wish to be involved, party-pooper).

The Blogisferia Chronicles: Chapter the First

All right people, you've been wondering what the super special secret reward was and here it is. The two bloggers who won the most recent Mad Blogs have won the honor of being the first characters to be featured in my new series, The Blogisferia Chronicles. I hope you enjoy it, and if you don't, you can suck it, because I really enjoy writing it!

Here is the first chapter - it's a little long but it requires some set-up; I don't anticipate future chapters being quite this long!!!


*********************
Once upon a time, there was a fairy princess named Soda, who lived in the magical land of Blogisferia.

Princess Soda ruled over Candysoda, a small kingdom within Blogisferia. It was a delightful place with cobbled streets and a fountain in the town square that bubbled all day long with every flavor of soda (or soft drink) you could wish for.

The people of Blogisferia liked nothing more than to share their innermost thoughts, feelings, likes, dislikes, and the minutiae of their daily lives with each other (and anyone else who happened to be within listening distance). They were also addicted to entering competitions and winning awards, which they displayed prominently around their dwellings.

Princess Soda was no exception, often inviting people from all over Blogisferia to visit her and devising competitions to entertain them all.

*********************

One day, Princess Soda was walking in the woods just outside Candysoda Castle when she came upon a knight sitting on a rock. He was rubbing dirt into his suit of armor and banging it with rocks.

"Sir Words... words... words...? It is you!" cried the Princess. "Whatever are you doing?!"

"Everyone thinks being a knight is so glamorous." grumbled the knight. "It's not. It's all interminable round-table meetings and lots of boring hard work. But my damn armor never gets a scratch on it. It comes out looking as shiny as the day I bought it, and that just doesn't help my case."

"Well, never mind about that, Words. What I want to know is, why in Blog's name did you get your horse in such a horrible color?" asked the Princess, to whom such matters were of vital importance.

"Sivvick is a great steed!" said Sir Words defensively. "He runs beautifully, and is very reliable."

Princess Soda regarded the mustard-colored horse dubiously.
"Still, are you sure you wouldn't like me to enchant him into a lovely rose pink, or a mint-green perhaps?"

Sir Words was saved from having to reply by a rustling of nearby branches.

There in the clearing they saw a Gnu. It was gently biting a small cube of rainbow colored jelly and giggling to itself.

"Hello Gnu," said the Princess, "what is your name?"

The Gnu spoke:
"i'm biting on the dessert
i'm a gnu with no name
it feels good to get out of the rain
... was i talking in verse again? sorry about that, mate!"

"'Mate?' Oh snap!" cried the Princess delightedly. "You're from Straya? I grew up in Straya!"

"that's ace! here, have a lamington." replied the Gnu.

"Ta very much." Princess Soda accepted the small cake graciously.

As she took it from the Gnu's hoof, an amazing transformation began to occur, and soon, standing in front of them, right where the Gnu had been, was a beautiful fairy with rainbow-colored hair.

"it's me, amplified!" cried the fairy happily.


**************************************

Hurry up, you guys!

*hopping impatiently from one foot to the other*

If you haven't entered Mad Blogs yet (it's the post before this one), hurry up!

Go do it now! It might be the last chance you get - I haven't got another one in mind.

As if that PLUS the Sweet Blogger award wasn't enough inducement to GO enter Mad Blogs, I have a super special secret surprise reward planned for the winner.

It's not a physical prize and it's not an award as such, but I am super-excited about it.

If you are as big a nerd as I am, and/or you love attention as much as I do (and really, why else would you be a blogger?), you will enjoy this reward.

So go already!

You have less than Jack Bauer time (ie 24 hours)!

i need a hook.

i'm thinking of going all e.e. cummings and writing everything in lower case.

i won't leave out punctuation (because i am a grammar nazi and i love brackets, although i guess i could switch to square ones, which i also love. but however), but it means I won't have to stretch over for that damn shift key so much (i have little fingers and it's annoying).

also, it reminds me of my beloved archy the cockroach poems (click here if you don't know who that is!) by don marquis.

i find it pleasing and unusual - and yet i still want to know your opinion on the matter! please let me know what you think in the comments.

Post #1

I've named this blog after my biggest vices (that's right, I live a terribly dangerous life).

Welcome to my world; I hope you will enjoy learning about the crazy way in which my mind works!