Over To You: Mad Blogs VI

Yay Mad Blogs! Here's your chance, everyone who missed out on the last one!

If you don't already know, Mad Blogs™ is the blog version of Mad Libs:

1. I give you a list of blanks to fill
2. You respond with your filler words in the comments
3. I pick my favorite set of answers after an arbitrarily assigned a predetermined length of time. For this one, Saturday Nov 28. Or later if I don't get enough entries by then!
   
4. I post the completed Mad Blog™ and a Sweet Blogger award for the winner/s.
   

Here is the list of blanks:
woman's name
fruit
male celebrity
geographical location
profession
famous actor
celebrity
food
adjective
famous musician (living)
number
animal

Eff you, Nabisco.

Fig Newtons are a rectangular cookie (or biscuit for non-American readers) made by Nabisco. They recently redesigned the packaging for Fig Newtons. In the old plastic wrap packet, you simply opened one end and out came the Newtons. The new packet is made of some kind of thin foil and is resealable.

This is great for freshness, partially because of the foil, but mainly because you cannot get the damn cookies out of the packet, because the resealable lip covers a good portion of one side of the cookies (see fig. 1).

To make matters worse, the Fig Newtons are packed in like sardines, so you can't grip around the cookie to pull it out, and they also have a tendency to crumble, so your only option is to destroy the corners on a few until you have created enough space around one to pull it out.

Eff you, Nabisco.

*****
In other news, I have been awarded the Slippers of Glory by the delightful sas. She is one of many saucy redheads to be found in the blogosphere, but she is also a Kiwi living in London; it is quite lovely to read of another Antipodean expat's exploits!

Thanks, sas!

Will to blog.

With apologies to Indexed.

Little Cat is a stray foundling, scorned by her mother and sister. She is a tortoiseshell or "calico" cat, black and ginger mixed thoroughly. She basically looks like a ginger cat that's been up a chimney. Adorable of course!

Mad Blogs V: Mad Interiors.

Everyone did awesome, but there can only be one winner. Because I said so and it's my competition. Don't look so sad, your fabulous word choices made me laugh too!

Just not as much as... miss.chief! the winner!
Chiefy, you are a Sweet Blogger.
Honorable mentions go to 180|360, who ran a very close second, and Parpnelope Parpfield-Parpington (or Steam Me Up, Kid as she is more commonly known) for making me keep giggling and saying "Armoire!" to myself.

Here's the winning entry - (and the blank version is below it, for those of you who want to see how well the other word choices work - just pop-up the comments from last post and follow along replacing words as you go).
______________________

Welcome to Mad Interiors, the fluffiest interior decorating show on the moon. I'm your host, Billy Magenta.

Well, I'm sure you're all aware of the recent craze for 1960's style in interiors. Who could forget the Shamwow guy declaring in the school newspaper "I'd sell my first-born child for that boring style in my mom's basement!"

But that's so 3 years ago! Now everyone is painting their walls brown and upholstering their furniture with anaconda pelts. Coming up in 9 minutes, we show you how to make an authentic Japanese chesterfield using only a spork, three skeletons and a hollowed out spaghetti squash.



______________________

Welcome to Mad Interiors, the adjective ending in -est interior decorating show in location. I'm your host, man's first name | color.

Well, I'm sure you're all aware of the recent craze for historical era style in interiors. Who could forget celebrity declaring in publication "I'd sell my first-born child for that adjective style in my type of dwelling!"

But that's so period of time ago! Now everyone is painting their walls color and upholstering their furniture with animal pelts. Coming up, we show you how to make an authentic ethnicity | piece of furniture using only a noun, three plural noun and a hollowed out vegetable.

Over To You: Mad Blogs V

I haven't done a Mad Blog for a while but people seemed to like them and let's face it, I owe you a decent post after all the dodgy poetry and other half-assed nonsense I've been posting lately*! Here we go!
________________

If you don't already know (like if you've been reading my blog for less than six months which is the last time I did one), Mad Blogs™ is the blog version of Mad Libs:

1. I give you a list of blanks to fill
2. You respond with your filler words in the comments
3. I pick my favorite set of answers after an arbitrarily assigned a predetermined length of time. I guess like four days from time of posting oughta do it.
   
4. I post the completed Mad Blog™ and a Sweet Blogger award for the winner/s.
   

Here is the list of blanks:
adjective ending in -est
location
man's first name
color
historical era
celebrity
publication
adjective
type of dwelling
period of time
color
animal
number
ethnicity
piece of furniture
noun
plural noun
vegetable


*With the notable exception of Miss Vegetable Assassin's darling honky cracker, of course.

Longing.

I stood up straight suddenly, whatever I was doing forgotten
pierced through the heart with a sudden intense longing for that place
The place I used to live

The stale smell of the city held inside the bus
inside my lungs
until I stepped out at the beach
The wind blowing in off the ocean
whipping sand at my legs
Salt in the air - taste it, breathe its freshness.

The waves were turquoise glitter by day, soft black oil at night.

I still live near to the sea (I don't think I could ever live far from shore)
But it's not the same shore, not the same sea
So I longed for that place I used to live.

Literal Sketches - Guest Sketcher!

While I'm busy doing all kinds of uninteresting stuff, the Vegetable Assassin has kindly stepped into the breach with this wonderful Literal Sketch.

I guess a good clue is that it describes me, in a way (if that's not a good enough clue, put your mouse over the image, the answer is in the hovertext).