Something fishy and fun

You guys, you have to go to Goldfish Broth right now! and play the word verification definition game.

I know it's been done before, but it's always so much fun!!! Plus, read his own post of w/v definitions before you go and you will realize just how high a standard you will be held to in G. Henry's arena. Anyone who uses the word paucity correctly in a blog post deserves as many readers as can be shepherded his way.

...Again with the pimping?

Yes. Because even though there's a high likelihood that pointing my readers towards blogs which are infinitely funnier than mine will only result in an even sadder comment count for me, I must share this with you.

That's how much of a saint I am.

UPDATE: It's official, I'm going to be designing an award for the winner!!!

Entry into Heaven = guaranteed *dusts hands off smugly*.

I win! I win!

So y'all remember that I won a prize from my blog homeboy Joshlos.

Well he made an awesome post about sending it, and it has arrived at Candysoda Castle, so I thought I'd post about it too just to make y'all jealous!

Here is a photo of my delicious bounty along with a note from Jam Master Josh himself (click to embiggen):

3x king size Snickers Almond bars, which were 2 piece at the start of their journey but as you can see having encountered what must be at least 150º Fahrenheit* on arrival in the dirty dirty** arrived in pulpy, almost-liquid form.
Thankfully they reconstituted quite well - although it takes 20 minutes to unwrap one - and taste like heaven.

2x 14 ounce bags of Skittles, which due to my unfamiliarity with your crazy imperial system I keep referring to as 14 pound bags. I took a bag to the office and now everyone keeps coming to visit me and my bowl of Skittles.
Lesson? Sugar = popularity.

AND Josh made me an award. Which I heart bigtime (and only adjusted the colors a little to fit my bloggy decor):




*As far as I know I'm not exaggerating... am still getting the hang of Fahrenheit, but it is bloody boiling here.

**I'm pretty much a hardcore gangsta. For those of you who aren't, the dirty dirty = Southern states of the USA.

Over To You: Eat Your Feelings?

Whenever I eat Fritos (original flavor, curl-shaped, not scoops), it makes me happy because it reminds me of this time Husband and I had a lovely picnic lunch on a deserted Maryland beach.

Whenever I drink Dr Pepper, it makes me nostalgic because it reminds me of my uncle keeping a cooler-full for me during my childhood visits to the US.

What about you guys? Replace the bold text with your own food/drink emotional memories in the comments.

I don't want to hear it.

As everyone knows, famous people have been dropping like flies this past week.

Celebrity is an odd thing; we feel like we know these people in some way, even though in reality we are complete strangers. We note their deaths, we may even feel some form of grief, or at least have some kind of emotional reaction to the news of their passing.

I'm not gonna lie, I laughed at pretty much all the sick, sick too-soon jokes floating around the blogosphere. I laughed at the title "Celebrity Death Week". I jokingly suggested the possible next celebrity to go. I laughed at the idea of Billy Mays Oxy-Cleaning the robes of the heavenly host.

Then today on a "news" channel, I heard something I fervently wish I could un-hear.

I heard the shaky, tearful, terrified voice of Billy's wife on the 911 call when she found him dead. No one deserves to have such an utterly devastating, utterly personal moment broadcast for everyone to hear*. My heart absolutely breaks for that woman.

Imagine finding the person you love most in the world still and cold. Try to imagine how you would feel in that moment.

Then imagine knowing that any and every stranger you pass in the street could have potentially heard that moment unfolding, heard your life collapsing, heard your heart breaking.

Why would anyone want to hear that? Who would think that was a thing that needed to be broadcast?

There is something seriously wrong with humanity.


*and that's why I'm not linking to anything to do with it.

Original Drafts VI

Song requested by: BeckEye

A Caring and Sharing Week Household Tip

I’m about to share with y’all possibly the weirdest household tip you’ll ever receive.

Having recently mourned the passing of my garlic crusher, I am reduced to chopping garlic by hand. This is all well and good, but a lady doesn’t like to have stinky garlic fingers.

A friend told me about the odor-eating properties of stainless steel. Mama’s not paying fifteen dollars for a hunk of metal when the whole sink is made of the stuff, so after chopping up the garlic one night, I rubbed my fingers on the bottom of our stainless steel sink.

Result: my fingers smelt less like garlic… and more like whatever crap was all over the bottom of the sink.

But I wasn’t giving up, oh no. So I thought about it, and one night as I was rinsing out Husband’s coffee plunger, it came to me.

Hadn’t I learned from Axel Foley that coffee grinds were used by drug cartels to mask the odor of Colombian marching powder? So I rubbed my fingers on the sink, then poured out a handful of wet, used coffee grinds and rubbed my hands with them like they were LaMer or something.

Result: my fingers smelled hardly at all of garlic, but rather a lot like coffee. A quick re-wash with regular liquid hand soap, and my fingers were scented like the daintiest spring flowers, and delightfully soft from the incidental exfoliation!

Share your weirdest household tips in the comments!

The Blogisferia Chronicles: Chapter the Sixth

This Caring and Sharing Week chapter of the Chronicles is dedicated to two bloggers who cared enough to volunteer to be Chronicled!
One is a blog homie from way back, featured this week because I have won a prize at his blog!!! I hardly ever win things (seriously, the one from Gwen and this one... that's about it in my life), so I'm very happy, even though it was pure chance and nothing to do with my (admittedly vast) talents! My other lovely volunteer inadvertently gave me the idea for the storyline.

Previous Chapters:
Chapter the First
Chapter the Second
Chapter the Third
Chapter the Fourth
Chapter the Fifth
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Princess Soda was returning home from one of her frequent sojourns to visit other Blogisferians when suddenly her vehicle stopped in the forest, dipping sharply on the right side and causing fruit flavored Mentos to roll everywhere. She peeked out to see what was the matter.

"Oh great, looks like the right front wheel is rooted." she grumbled.

"Princess Soda, with all due respect, I wish you'd stop referring to your palanquin carriers as 'wheels'" gasped the man who had been in the right front position, now struggling to catch his breath.

"Che cosa fai? Eric, it's not my fault you got yourself into debt buying up all of Candysoda's rare pink marble for your sculptures and mosaics. And here in Candysoda, you know debt translates into indentured servitude."

"Yo, what am I up in this bizzle for then? You know I gots the skills to pay the bills." spoke a voice from the rear of the palanquin.

"Joshlos, you published a very unflattering picture of me in the Candysoda Herald. Technically that's punishable by death, so you're getting off easy, son."

"Your Highness, you know I came to Candysoda for the honeys, and I haven't seen -"

Suddenly, the trees around them began rustling and whispering. A crowd of ethereally beautiful young women with long green hair and flowing (yet surprisingly revealing) robes began to approach them from amongst the trees.

They surrounded the palanquin and its bearers.

"Oh snap! Dryads!" cried the Princess.

"Prrrrrincessssss Soooooodaaaa..." rustled the wood-nymphs, "we wisssshhhhhh theeeese men to come with ussssssss... it issss our right to claim theeem if they do not objeeeeect..."

Naturally, Eric and Joshlos made no objection, simply staring in open-mouthed shock at the beautiful women surrounding them, although Princess Soda swore she heard one of the men whispering "daaaaaamn!". They were spirited away into the forest.

"Bugger. How am I supposed to get back to the castle now?"



*************************************
Thanks for volunteering and giving me plot inspiration, boys.
Don't say I never do nothin' for ya ; )