A charming denizen of our neighborhood - about three minutes after turning up at my bus stop - informed me that he was an ex-convict of some long years, among other slightly terrifying tidbits of information.
I am now considering purchasing some pepper spray. Husband helpfully suggested I get one of those jokey water-squirting flowers, like clowns have, except with pepper spray instead of water.
I'm not sure about that, but I know that being the diva princess that I am, such an item would have to be co-ordinated with my wardrobe, and preferably bedazzled.
numer darowizny: SRTF/067/SWD .
1 month ago
26 comments:
Ummmm.... if I were an ex-con (or a con for that matter) I wouldn't go blabbing about it to people at bus stops! Weird.
Yes, a bedazzled pepper spray clown flower is DEFINITELY the way to go. Absolutely. If the sunlight hits it just right, you won't even need to use the pepper spray! The jewels will be blinding enough.
;-)
Or a giant pouch of itching powder!
maybe you could get 2 jeweled pepper spray canisters, tether them together with rope and they could double as nunchucks.
Well, what are the other terrifying tidbits? And you should have pepper spray anyway!
that is indeed terrifying.
but bedazzled self-defense weaponry may be a viable business idea. i'll have to talk to KAT about this....
btw - my wordver is horing. for when "whoring" around seems too classy...
Why was he in jail? I'm guessing he's not a white collar criminal.
I'm curious about those other terrifying titbits! He had a pet spider?
Try bedazzling a tazer instead. Less Clean Up. More fun to watch!
This cracked me up!
Cora - Right?! Haha, I could call it the Blinding Bling Blossom!
Mr C - Yeah but then I'd have to wear gloves to handle it!
Valerie - Ooh I like it, you got creative!!!
Alex - Oh just things about how long he was in jail for, what for and his... preferences... regarding other matters.
SJ - Yes! Can you make it cheaper than the Swarovski ones though?
BeckEye - Yeah... more like red-collar, from what I understood.
Mo - See my reply to Alex. No pet spiders thank heavens!
Lola - Hahahaha, "Don't taze me ma'am!" would be heard all over my hood.
Wow, pepper spray with a tazer backup sounds like the way to go!
SkyDad - This actually happened a couple weeks ago & I haven't seen him since, so I'm not too freaked out any more. But it still made a good post! Right?...
Carry a knife. Don’t mess around.
You must wear the same sign around your neck that I do. You know the one? The invisible one that says, "Please share innapropriate details about your life to me because that makes me very very happy"
It's a sign nobody else sees except for "them"... weird. I thought I was the only one! LOL
You should have told him that you stabbed a guy once who just got out of prison because he asked you for money.
That, and carry lots of weapons like we do in Texas.
Simon & Eric - Contrary to what you may have been told by certain movies that shall remain nameless, Australians are not in the habit of carrying large knives about our persons!
Twinkie - I know, right? How do we get these signs removed???
I think the next time you run into a shady character like this you should nonchalantly ask him if he had any close relatives that would miss him if he suddenly disappeared off the face of the Earth.
Also, I would watch a reality show that focused exclusively on following you around while you tased people.
But would it shoot out Pepper Spray, or Chanel No5? Either or might still be effective.
Felt slightly alarmed for your personal safety - stylish capsaicin weaponry included - when I read this post. (I'm a worrier, it's in my genetic code or something.) But having read that you haven't seen him for a few weeks now, I feel much better. Because of course, this is all about me.
My vote is for the spangled capsicum spray from pepperface.com - firstly, because they described it as "convincing, hand-held protection that looks as at home on the red carpet as it does in the self-defense category," and secondly, because the website is called PEPPERFACE.com. What's not to love?
Hope all is quiet on the weirdo front now, lovely Soda.
WWW - Hahaha! I would totally star in that show! So if anyone from VH1 is listening...
; )
Tenny - No.5 smells delightful but I bet it stings like a bastard if you get it in your eye.
Girl - Worrier? Check. Makes things about self? Check. Likes spangled things? Check. Did we just become BFFs?
; )
Bus stops are the problem. Would he be willing to pick you up at your own private pickup in exchange for a nice packed lunch once a month? It might be worth asking.
Is any neighbourhood complete without a criminal in its midst? It would depend on the nature of the terrifying information. If it was that he had worn black with blue, then I would be truly scared.
Cooper - I get offered rides fairly often in my neighborhood. It makes me want to stop, point and shout "Stranger danger! Stranger danger!"
Madame - "Socks with sandals?! AAAAAAAARRRGHHH!!!" Now that should be a felony!
1) the clown/water/pepper spray was a hilarious mental image, I'm sure it would work ;)
2) in all seriousness, I think that stuff is the way to go. It's sad, but you just can't trust everybody nowadays
3) Eric's comment may have been the best one I have come across in weeks
Mr O - Right? No one would suspect an innocent clown flower. It's just that me being me I would invariably injure myself rather than any would-be attacker.
I strongly discourage you from driving the Bedazzler rivet into the side of the pressurized pepper spray can.
I'm just saying.
Scope - Hahaha, I gotcha.
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